Me.

So I have to admit again that I'm draggin... so weary... so fatigued. Basketball is killer.. along with winter and having asthma... sickness... not to mention some personal junk. Life is just tough. Yea, really profound huh.

People say that your true character shines through during tough times... well if that's true (and i do believe it is) then my character really sucks. When things go bad for me, that's exactly what takes full reign in my mind... me. I have a very hard time being selfless when my life isn't just right. I seem to condone treating others like crap, if I feel like crap. I seem to excuse my sudden angry snaps at people simply because I'm having a bad day.

In my psychology course that just ended, we studied Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Maslow said that physiological needs make up the base of his "motivation pyramid"... basically stating that food and water take first precedence over anything a human does. So one must have food and water before one can love. Without the "necessities" a person cannot think of anything else.

For a while... I wanted to argue Maslow's Hiearchy. I mean we can be selfless even when we're hungry right... especially us Christ-followers? But then I looked at my behavior. And I'm definitely not starving.. yet I still have trouble showing love to others when things aren't all in place for me.

It's that way with my relationship with God too. My response to God during rough times isn't always right. I'm not saying I should pretend everything is ok and not release my emotions... because the first one I should do that to is indeed He whom I'm closest with. However, I find myself not having enough faith in Him... almost putting limits on what I think God can do... almost doubting Him... almost seeing a very narrow version of who He really is... almost putting God in a box. (Thank you, Keith.) And that sucks, because God shows me what my faith really is... and it's weak.


God is way bigger than I know. I hate that I ever doubt Him. He's working on me though.


I just have to let Him.