Me and my friends watched The Passion of The Christ last night... yea, talk about a light-hearted girls night. Not. I was in a pile... a complete wreck. I'd seen it before when it first came out and I cried. But not like this. I don't cry in movies. And I definitely don't sob. I never felt so drained.
This wasn't a movie that I could just disconnect from and tell myself "It's just a movie." It actually happened. Jesus was ridiculed... tempted... betrayed...beaten... spit on... crucified. And it's my fault.
I was hit pretty hard watching the scene when Peter denies Christ. It flashes back to Peter telling Jesus he will follow him to prison even to death.. And then within minutes he flat out says he doesn't know Jesus three times. Then Jesus, bloodied and beaten, meets Peter's eyes. And you can see the pain and the shame in Peter's face. And I couldn't help but feel exactly what he felt. Because I've done the exact same thing. How he puts up with me... I will never know?
Grace... such a beautiful thing.
There's this song on Phil Wickham's new CD that I couldn't help but think of as I cried and shook my way through watching Christ hang on the Cross... it's called "True Love" and it's so good...
Come close listen to the story
About a love more faithful than the morning
The Father gave his only son just to save us
The earth was shaking in the dark
All creation felt the Father's broken heart
Tears were filling heaven's eyes
The day that true love died, the day that true love died
When blood and water hit the ground
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down
We were free and made alive
The day that true love died, the day that true love died
Search your heart, you know you can't deny it
Come on, lose your life just so you can find it
The Father gave his only son just to save us
The earth was shaking in the dark
All creation felt the father's broken heart
Tears were filling heaven's eyes
The day that true love died, the day that true love died
When blood and water hit the ground
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down
We were free and made alive
The day that true love died, the day that true love died
Now Jesus is alive
Jesus is alive
Jesus is alive
Jesus is alive
Jesus is alive
oh He is alive
He rose again
When blood and water hit the ground
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down
We were free and made alive
The day that true love died, the day that true love died
Come close listen to the story
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
mundane story.
So I think I'm a little frustrated... I'm not really sure with whom or exactly why or if I even should be about this... well see.. it's the Christmas season... the celebration of our Savior's birth... the celebration of an event so special, so holy, so beautiful.. that it's the only event in history to separate time (BC-AD)... for a Christian, Christmas is the celebration of Christ. So I guess what I'm frustrated with is Christians who are trying so hard to, in some impossible ridiculous way, "embellish" the Christmas story.. or trying to make it more interesting... or trying to take a "new spin" on things... as if that is even possible... as if the birth of Christ needs something more, a little kick... as if the meaning of CHRISTmas has become, dare I say, mundane.
Now I'm not saying pastors do not have all but good intentions if they preach on the Christmas story in a different light or from a perspective different from the norm. And I'm not even exclusively referring to pastors. I think I'm thinking more about Christians in general... and that includes me. Me... that's part of where my frustration lies. Because I tend to let Christmas pass by without thinking. I hear sermons about Jesus. I watch movies about Jesus. I sing songs about Jesus. But it's just another holiday.
Tuesday a guy read Isaiah 53. Honestly.. it took me flipping there in my bible to read along.. and seeing that I had the passage underlined.. to realize I had been reading this several times over the past few weeks. Pretty sad huh. I almost cried as he read those holy words. I heard the pain my Savior endured for me. I heard how foolish I am. I heard how much Jesus loves me. I heard the earth-shattering significance of God coming to this earth in flesh as Jesus Christ to suffer and die. That beautiful beautiful truth. It hit me like a ton of bricks. And there was no spin on it, no new outlook, no embellishing.... it was simply scripture... the truth I've heard so many times... the actual "reason for the season"... and it was so NOT mundane.
"Surely he took up our infirmities
and carried our sorrows,
yet we considered him stricken by God,
smitten by him, and afflicted.
But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed.
We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to his own way;
and the LORD has laid on him
the iniquity of us all."
-Isaiah 53:4-6
(Please go read the whole chapter.)
Father, please never let the birth and sending of your only begotten son become anything less than beautiful and true to my ears. Thank you for what we have to celebrate on Christmas. In Jesus' name, Amen.
Now I'm not saying pastors do not have all but good intentions if they preach on the Christmas story in a different light or from a perspective different from the norm. And I'm not even exclusively referring to pastors. I think I'm thinking more about Christians in general... and that includes me. Me... that's part of where my frustration lies. Because I tend to let Christmas pass by without thinking. I hear sermons about Jesus. I watch movies about Jesus. I sing songs about Jesus. But it's just another holiday.
Tuesday a guy read Isaiah 53. Honestly.. it took me flipping there in my bible to read along.. and seeing that I had the passage underlined.. to realize I had been reading this several times over the past few weeks. Pretty sad huh. I almost cried as he read those holy words. I heard the pain my Savior endured for me. I heard how foolish I am. I heard how much Jesus loves me. I heard the earth-shattering significance of God coming to this earth in flesh as Jesus Christ to suffer and die. That beautiful beautiful truth. It hit me like a ton of bricks. And there was no spin on it, no new outlook, no embellishing.... it was simply scripture... the truth I've heard so many times... the actual "reason for the season"... and it was so NOT mundane.
"Surely he took up our infirmities
and carried our sorrows,
yet we considered him stricken by God,
smitten by him, and afflicted.
But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed.
We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to his own way;
and the LORD has laid on him
the iniquity of us all."
-Isaiah 53:4-6
(Please go read the whole chapter.)
Father, please never let the birth and sending of your only begotten son become anything less than beautiful and true to my ears. Thank you for what we have to celebrate on Christmas. In Jesus' name, Amen.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Breathe.
As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God,
for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God?
My tears have been my food day and night,
while men say to me all day long,
"Where is your God?"
These things I remember
as I pour out my soul:
how I used to go with the multitude,
leading the procession to the house of God,
with shouts of joy and thanksgiving
among the festive throng.
Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
My soul is downcast within me;
therefore I will remember you
from the land of the Jordan,
the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.
Deep calls to deep
in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers
have swept over me.
By day the LORD directs his love,
at night his song is with me—
a prayer to the God of my life.
-Psalm 42:1-8
Well my surgery is tomorrow... yes finally clearing up the ol' sinuses... I'll be a little stuffed up for a few weeks considering I won't be able to blow my nose and it will be swollen like nothing else. But I'm ready to be able to breathe. Aww yes.. breathe. Thank you, Jesus.
so my soul pants for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God,
for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God?
My tears have been my food day and night,
while men say to me all day long,
"Where is your God?"
These things I remember
as I pour out my soul:
how I used to go with the multitude,
leading the procession to the house of God,
with shouts of joy and thanksgiving
among the festive throng.
Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
My soul is downcast within me;
therefore I will remember you
from the land of the Jordan,
the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.
Deep calls to deep
in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers
have swept over me.
By day the LORD directs his love,
at night his song is with me—
a prayer to the God of my life.
-Psalm 42:1-8
Well my surgery is tomorrow... yes finally clearing up the ol' sinuses... I'll be a little stuffed up for a few weeks considering I won't be able to blow my nose and it will be swollen like nothing else. But I'm ready to be able to breathe. Aww yes.. breathe. Thank you, Jesus.
Sunday, December 9, 2007
Children of the World.
These are the three beautiful boys who stayed with us this weekend. There names are James, Kennedy, and Drexler. James and Kennedy are from India and Drexler is from the Phillipines. They put on an amazing performance today along with about 20 other kids from India, the Phililpines and Africa. I'm going to miss these little guys.
Go check out the Children of the World choir at http://www.worldhelp.net/.
Friday, November 30, 2007
Suffering.
So I live in America... a place where it's not that uncommon to find someone who calls themselves a Christian... "a Christian nation" some might call us.
It's kind of strange isn't it though... I mean if you really think about. Some throw around the term "Christian"... some use it so lightly... as if they might describe themselves as outgoing, funny, trendy, and christian. Like it's just another adjective. Christian is a noun! It doesn't just describe someone... it defines them.
The more I read Jesus' teachings... the more disgusted I am with so many people's outlook on Christianity. Because something that Jesus is never afraid to tell people is that being a Christ-follower is not easy... it's tough... it's scary... it's different... it's radical. Matthew 7:14 says "For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few." Jesus straight up says that this faith... this journey... this way of life... is not normal. It's like everyone is going one way... and we are going to have to go the complete opposite way. Not exactly what some people think when they describe themselves as "christian".
Another not so glamorous side to Christianity is suffering. Yes... suffering? Because what is at the center of the Christian faith.. well Christ of course. And what was the reason Christ came... to suffer... for us. So when we are called to be like Christ.. we are called to suffer.
Narrow path, pain, a hard way, suffering. Seems like a weird thing to sign up for doesn't it? It's something I can't explain... but it's something I just know is right. Maybe it's because we all know that we were created to live for something more... but we've screwed that up... and we all desperately want something worth dying for. Or maybe because Jesus' vision for life takes everything we have and that's what's so appealing about it. Or maybe because it's when we feel most in tune with God... in the midst of suffering.
And that's why I don't feel like many people look at Christianity the way Jesus presented it... because every one's trying so hard to make their life easier. And if you haven't realized, choosing to follow Christ doesn't mean everything gets right and problems are gone forever... in fact, I think it brings about more. But in some way that I can't put into words, it is beautiful. It is right.
And I've chosen the hard way... not to live a "Christian" life... but to try to live like Christ. It means that I have to love people more than myself. It means that I have to refuse to become numb to this broken world. It means I have to hurt and feel and suffer. But it also means that I have hope. I have a hope to offer the world... a hope that is that one day Christ will come back to this mess of a world and we will restore it.
"I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true." ' (Revelation 21:2-5)
It's kind of strange isn't it though... I mean if you really think about. Some throw around the term "Christian"... some use it so lightly... as if they might describe themselves as outgoing, funny, trendy, and christian. Like it's just another adjective. Christian is a noun! It doesn't just describe someone... it defines them.
The more I read Jesus' teachings... the more disgusted I am with so many people's outlook on Christianity. Because something that Jesus is never afraid to tell people is that being a Christ-follower is not easy... it's tough... it's scary... it's different... it's radical. Matthew 7:14 says "For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few." Jesus straight up says that this faith... this journey... this way of life... is not normal. It's like everyone is going one way... and we are going to have to go the complete opposite way. Not exactly what some people think when they describe themselves as "christian".
Another not so glamorous side to Christianity is suffering. Yes... suffering? Because what is at the center of the Christian faith.. well Christ of course. And what was the reason Christ came... to suffer... for us. So when we are called to be like Christ.. we are called to suffer.
Narrow path, pain, a hard way, suffering. Seems like a weird thing to sign up for doesn't it? It's something I can't explain... but it's something I just know is right. Maybe it's because we all know that we were created to live for something more... but we've screwed that up... and we all desperately want something worth dying for. Or maybe because Jesus' vision for life takes everything we have and that's what's so appealing about it. Or maybe because it's when we feel most in tune with God... in the midst of suffering.
And that's why I don't feel like many people look at Christianity the way Jesus presented it... because every one's trying so hard to make their life easier. And if you haven't realized, choosing to follow Christ doesn't mean everything gets right and problems are gone forever... in fact, I think it brings about more. But in some way that I can't put into words, it is beautiful. It is right.
And I've chosen the hard way... not to live a "Christian" life... but to try to live like Christ. It means that I have to love people more than myself. It means that I have to refuse to become numb to this broken world. It means I have to hurt and feel and suffer. But it also means that I have hope. I have a hope to offer the world... a hope that is that one day Christ will come back to this mess of a world and we will restore it.
"I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true." ' (Revelation 21:2-5)
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Psalms.
Wow. God has been so good lately... well not just lately... always. I guess I tend to mess things up a lot. He's so good to me, and I'm so bad to Him. Hmm.. funny how that always works.
I've been reading the Psalms... if you never have or you tend to get intimidated by the 150 chapters in the book... don't be. Because that's the beauty of the Psalms.. the fact that there are so many songs.. so many poems... so many emotions.. you're bound to connect with the writer. "Psalms" comes from the Hebrew word "Tehilim", תהילים, which means "praises". In Greek, it comes from the word "psalmoi" originally meaning "songs sung to a harp" and from "psallein" meaning "play on a stringed instrument". For me, music speaks to my heart in a way that nothing else can... and the Psalms are lyrics. I can think of few things more beautiful.
So I read Psalm 51 the other night. Two verses in that song just grabbed me... and shook me to the core. The first was verse 12: "Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant in me a willing spirit, to sustain me." Things for me have been I guess what one could call mundane lately. How refreshing to think on salvation.. the joy of salvation. That verse was a prayer for me. Then I read on and came upon verse 17: "My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." This whole sacrifice business has been coming up a lot. Rob Bell talked a lot about it.. and the previous verse in chapter 51, verse 16, says that God will not be pleased with burnt offerings or any of that. He wants a different kind of sacrifice. He wants our hearts... our broken hearts. And oh how mine has been so broken. I can think of nothing I would rather do than place my broken heart into the hands of the Father... into the hands of my Lover... into the hands of the Healer. Of course. The Healer.
Sometimes it's hard for me to read the Word. But then.. I do. And I realize it's alive. It's alive and it's connecting with me. And it will connect with you... because it's not a collection of old stories, or rules, or literature written by old kings. No, it is my story too. It's your story too. And every time I read it.. it's a way for God to speak to me.
I've been reading the Psalms... if you never have or you tend to get intimidated by the 150 chapters in the book... don't be. Because that's the beauty of the Psalms.. the fact that there are so many songs.. so many poems... so many emotions.. you're bound to connect with the writer. "Psalms" comes from the Hebrew word "Tehilim", תהילים, which means "praises". In Greek, it comes from the word "psalmoi" originally meaning "songs sung to a harp" and from "psallein" meaning "play on a stringed instrument". For me, music speaks to my heart in a way that nothing else can... and the Psalms are lyrics. I can think of few things more beautiful.
So I read Psalm 51 the other night. Two verses in that song just grabbed me... and shook me to the core. The first was verse 12: "Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant in me a willing spirit, to sustain me." Things for me have been I guess what one could call mundane lately. How refreshing to think on salvation.. the joy of salvation. That verse was a prayer for me. Then I read on and came upon verse 17: "My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." This whole sacrifice business has been coming up a lot. Rob Bell talked a lot about it.. and the previous verse in chapter 51, verse 16, says that God will not be pleased with burnt offerings or any of that. He wants a different kind of sacrifice. He wants our hearts... our broken hearts. And oh how mine has been so broken. I can think of nothing I would rather do than place my broken heart into the hands of the Father... into the hands of my Lover... into the hands of the Healer. Of course. The Healer.
Sometimes it's hard for me to read the Word. But then.. I do. And I realize it's alive. It's alive and it's connecting with me. And it will connect with you... because it's not a collection of old stories, or rules, or literature written by old kings. No, it is my story too. It's your story too. And every time I read it.. it's a way for God to speak to me.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
My man Rob.
So I had the amazing opportunity to see Rob Bell on Friday... he blew me away as I knew he would. He has such knowledge and such insight that it makes me realize things about life and the Bible and God that I never even considered... things that are truly beautiful.
I was delighted to hear so much about the Old Testament which until recently, I have mainly dismissed. The significance that Rob revealed in some of the first books of the Bible gave a whole new perspective on things. He explained the transition from the altar sacrifice to many distant gods to the radical idea of altar sacrifice to a very intimate personal God who replies... then finally to the ultimate sacrifice Jesus Christ.
Hebrew 10:4- "For it is impossible for the blood of bulls and goats to take away sins."
He also talked about kindness.. and the reincarnation of all things... the beauty of Christ. He shared so many real-life stories of people... I'll share a few that I loved... see if you can't see Jesus in these...
"A young woman had to have surgery on her face to remove a tumor in the cheek. The surgery was tough and they knew the woman's face was not going to be the same. They brought her husband into the room when the doctor unwrapped the bandages. Fully revealed, the wife's face was far from the one she used to have. The husband looked down at her for a moment. Then he said, "I like it." Then he bent down and kissed her crooked mouth."
"A woman was said to have been having visions of Jesus. A priest went to her and asked her about these visions. To test their validity he told the woman to ask Jesus in her next vision what she had confessed last time in confession.
The next time the priest saw her he asked her if she had had another vision. "Yes," the woman replied. "Well... did you ask him the question I told you to ask?" "Yes, I did." she responded. "Jesus said, 'I don't remember.'""
"I don't remember."
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Me.
So I have to admit again that I'm draggin... so weary... so fatigued. Basketball is killer.. along with winter and having asthma... sickness... not to mention some personal junk. Life is just tough. Yea, really profound huh.
People say that your true character shines through during tough times... well if that's true (and i do believe it is) then my character really sucks. When things go bad for me, that's exactly what takes full reign in my mind... me. I have a very hard time being selfless when my life isn't just right. I seem to condone treating others like crap, if I feel like crap. I seem to excuse my sudden angry snaps at people simply because I'm having a bad day.
In my psychology course that just ended, we studied Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Maslow said that physiological needs make up the base of his "motivation pyramid"... basically stating that food and water take first precedence over anything a human does. So one must have food and water before one can love. Without the "necessities" a person cannot think of anything else.
For a while... I wanted to argue Maslow's Hiearchy. I mean we can be selfless even when we're hungry right... especially us Christ-followers? But then I looked at my behavior. And I'm definitely not starving.. yet I still have trouble showing love to others when things aren't all in place for me.
It's that way with my relationship with God too. My response to God during rough times isn't always right. I'm not saying I should pretend everything is ok and not release my emotions... because the first one I should do that to is indeed He whom I'm closest with. However, I find myself not having enough faith in Him... almost putting limits on what I think God can do... almost doubting Him... almost seeing a very narrow version of who He really is... almost putting God in a box. (Thank you, Keith.) And that sucks, because God shows me what my faith really is... and it's weak.
God is way bigger than I know. I hate that I ever doubt Him. He's working on me though.
I just have to let Him.
People say that your true character shines through during tough times... well if that's true (and i do believe it is) then my character really sucks. When things go bad for me, that's exactly what takes full reign in my mind... me. I have a very hard time being selfless when my life isn't just right. I seem to condone treating others like crap, if I feel like crap. I seem to excuse my sudden angry snaps at people simply because I'm having a bad day.
In my psychology course that just ended, we studied Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Maslow said that physiological needs make up the base of his "motivation pyramid"... basically stating that food and water take first precedence over anything a human does. So one must have food and water before one can love. Without the "necessities" a person cannot think of anything else.
For a while... I wanted to argue Maslow's Hiearchy. I mean we can be selfless even when we're hungry right... especially us Christ-followers? But then I looked at my behavior. And I'm definitely not starving.. yet I still have trouble showing love to others when things aren't all in place for me.
It's that way with my relationship with God too. My response to God during rough times isn't always right. I'm not saying I should pretend everything is ok and not release my emotions... because the first one I should do that to is indeed He whom I'm closest with. However, I find myself not having enough faith in Him... almost putting limits on what I think God can do... almost doubting Him... almost seeing a very narrow version of who He really is... almost putting God in a box. (Thank you, Keith.) And that sucks, because God shows me what my faith really is... and it's weak.
God is way bigger than I know. I hate that I ever doubt Him. He's working on me though.
I just have to let Him.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
The Hug Poem.
I read about how you touched them and they were healed
Or even if someone just touched your cloak
they were forever changed.
You let a broken women bathe your feet in her tears
And you washed your best friend’s feet.
I'm just wondering though did you ever just hug people
I mean I know that it's a silly question and all
I'm sure you would have why wouldn’t you
But its one of those things that was never mentioned that got me thinking about it
And how whenever there was a touch from you sins were forgiven and sickness fell.
I think I’m caught up in my sins
last time I checked all my body parts were properly working,nothing special here
I am just a kid with a heavy heart these passing sunrises and sunsets
I don’t think our encounter would have ended up in your gospels or anything
Because all I really need is a hug.
And that's ok for me to imagine right?
That’s not conflicting with any sort of theology is it?
Ok good... then hug me.
But not one of these side ways one arm around the neck type hugs
Or the ghetto right hand clasp fists elbows to chest pat pat on the back back
Or you put your right arm over my left arm
and I put my right arm under your left arm and we make this weird sort of diagonal thing
No none of those.
BEAR HUG ME MAN
Take your old school carpenter arms and throw them over my upper body
leaving my arms dangling underneath yours somewhere
and I can barely move them because your squeezing me so hard.
But don’t pick me up and make my back pop because I hate it when people do that.
And hold me, hold me here in your arms until I start to cry because
I WANT TO CRY
But I just can’t seem to do it on my own.
I have been teary eyed once recently but not even enough for a drip down my cheek.
There's just hurt in my soul that needs to be purged
so hold me here in this hugging pose
until the pain is flowing from my eyes and nose.
-Bradley Hathaway
Or even if someone just touched your cloak
they were forever changed.
You let a broken women bathe your feet in her tears
And you washed your best friend’s feet.
I'm just wondering though did you ever just hug people
I mean I know that it's a silly question and all
I'm sure you would have why wouldn’t you
But its one of those things that was never mentioned that got me thinking about it
And how whenever there was a touch from you sins were forgiven and sickness fell.
I think I’m caught up in my sins
last time I checked all my body parts were properly working,nothing special here
I am just a kid with a heavy heart these passing sunrises and sunsets
I don’t think our encounter would have ended up in your gospels or anything
Because all I really need is a hug.
And that's ok for me to imagine right?
That’s not conflicting with any sort of theology is it?
Ok good... then hug me.
But not one of these side ways one arm around the neck type hugs
Or the ghetto right hand clasp fists elbows to chest pat pat on the back back
Or you put your right arm over my left arm
and I put my right arm under your left arm and we make this weird sort of diagonal thing
No none of those.
BEAR HUG ME MAN
Take your old school carpenter arms and throw them over my upper body
leaving my arms dangling underneath yours somewhere
and I can barely move them because your squeezing me so hard.
But don’t pick me up and make my back pop because I hate it when people do that.
And hold me, hold me here in your arms until I start to cry because
I WANT TO CRY
But I just can’t seem to do it on my own.
I have been teary eyed once recently but not even enough for a drip down my cheek.
There's just hurt in my soul that needs to be purged
so hold me here in this hugging pose
until the pain is flowing from my eyes and nose.
-Bradley Hathaway
Friday, November 2, 2007
Death or Love.
So me and some friends have been studying Genesis... and I love reading a book from beginning to end.. not skipping around and pulling out things here and there... but reading it verse after verse.. I'm starting to see so many things that I've missed before.
I was reading chapter 9 and I came across verse 6, "Whoever sheds the blood of man, by man shall his blood be shed, for God made man in his own image." I was a little disturbed by this... I mean it makes sense... it's just... but it seems harsh. I've also been very interested in the different positions on the death penalty lately.. so I've been seeking what God's view might be on the issue. And it seems to be quite clear in this verse.
However, I decided to look a little deeper into the good book. Matthew 5 had a lot to say. Jesus talked about anger saying... "You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.' But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgement. Again, anyone who insults his brother is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, 'You fool!' will be in danger of the fire of hell.(v. 21-22)
Then in Matthew 5: 38-43..."You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.' But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you."
So what's the deal? Do God and Jesus have different views on this subject? But how can they.. aren't they the same? My thoughts exactly. But I don't think this is a contradiction.. and I don't think big G changed his mind either. No, I think it's quite similar to what we see throughout the entire story of the bible.
In the Old Testament, there are many many rules and laws of the land from God. In fact, the Mosaic Code consists of 613 laws! And of course, Moses received the 10 commandments as well. But again I look at the New Testament... when Jesus is asked what the greatest commandment is, he simply says "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." (Matt 22:36-40) So we see that Jesus almost boils down all these laws of do's and dont's into 2 simple commands. Love God. Love People. I think Jesus is almost saying, do these 2 things.. and you won't have to worry about keeping all the laws.
I will never fully understand God.. I will never fully know how he thinks... but I do know that God sent his son... and I do know Christ died for me.. and he died for you. JC showed the greatest act of love.. and he tells us to show the same to his Father and to others. And even though I mess up.. huge... I know I have someone who will plead my case to the Father... I know Jesus will stand between me and the God whom I have separated myself from because of my sin and he will say, "This is my child, whom I died for." And I will undeservedly be shown the amazing mercy and grace and love of my heavenly Dad.
"Through His humanity, Jesus Christ is able to mediate, that is, to go between man and God and represent man to God. As a mediator, Jesus reconciles man to God; He brings man back into fellowship with God." (2 Corinthians 5:18-19)
This is the Gospel.
I was reading chapter 9 and I came across verse 6, "Whoever sheds the blood of man, by man shall his blood be shed, for God made man in his own image." I was a little disturbed by this... I mean it makes sense... it's just... but it seems harsh. I've also been very interested in the different positions on the death penalty lately.. so I've been seeking what God's view might be on the issue. And it seems to be quite clear in this verse.
However, I decided to look a little deeper into the good book. Matthew 5 had a lot to say. Jesus talked about anger saying... "You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.' But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgement. Again, anyone who insults his brother is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, 'You fool!' will be in danger of the fire of hell.(v. 21-22)
Then in Matthew 5: 38-43..."You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.' But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you."
So what's the deal? Do God and Jesus have different views on this subject? But how can they.. aren't they the same? My thoughts exactly. But I don't think this is a contradiction.. and I don't think big G changed his mind either. No, I think it's quite similar to what we see throughout the entire story of the bible.
In the Old Testament, there are many many rules and laws of the land from God. In fact, the Mosaic Code consists of 613 laws! And of course, Moses received the 10 commandments as well. But again I look at the New Testament... when Jesus is asked what the greatest commandment is, he simply says "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." (Matt 22:36-40) So we see that Jesus almost boils down all these laws of do's and dont's into 2 simple commands. Love God. Love People. I think Jesus is almost saying, do these 2 things.. and you won't have to worry about keeping all the laws.
I will never fully understand God.. I will never fully know how he thinks... but I do know that God sent his son... and I do know Christ died for me.. and he died for you. JC showed the greatest act of love.. and he tells us to show the same to his Father and to others. And even though I mess up.. huge... I know I have someone who will plead my case to the Father... I know Jesus will stand between me and the God whom I have separated myself from because of my sin and he will say, "This is my child, whom I died for." And I will undeservedly be shown the amazing mercy and grace and love of my heavenly Dad.
"Through His humanity, Jesus Christ is able to mediate, that is, to go between man and God and represent man to God. As a mediator, Jesus reconciles man to God; He brings man back into fellowship with God." (2 Corinthians 5:18-19)
This is the Gospel.
Friday, October 26, 2007
Go! Iceland.
Music from Iceland is like nothing else... so weird... so awesome.
This is a clip of Bjork's show from ACL about a month ago... so crazy.
Monday, October 22, 2007
Questioning Religion...?
I question things a lot... little things... other people... and yes even god things.
Someone said to me today that they thought it was weird that I am the type of person who questions things because of "how religious I am". He didn't mean that I just accept and believe anything... but I guess typical Christians don't question thing as much as non-Christians.
I picked up a book at Barnes and Noble the other day called "Why I'm Not a Christian". I only read a little bit of the book but I found it extremely interesting. The author had a lot of questions and thoughts... which I very much disagreed with... but I think it's good to see other sides of things and where people are coming from... and it also helps me to really dig into my faith and understand what I believe and why.
Just from reading a chapter of that book, I think the author probably had some bad experiences with "Christians" or at least has seen Christianity mis-represented one too many times. It brought back a lot of thoughts of my own experience as a Christian...
I used to think Christianity was about religion. Period. It was about going to church (check), reading the bible (check), living a morally good life(check). Rituals. Religion. And oh how unfulfilling that was. Empty religion.
Then, I questioned.
And I realized this revolutionizing point: "It's not about religion, it's about a relationship". Christ-followership. Intimacy with Jesus. Loving people. Obedience springing from love, not a check-list springing from conviction and duty. Following blindly with my life, not doing my monthly act of service. Letting my heart be broken with the things that break His heart, not ignoring others and only focusing on me me me.
Relationship not religion.
And it's so not empty.
It's so more than fulfilling too.
It's Beautiful... the most beautiful thing there is.
Someone said to me today that they thought it was weird that I am the type of person who questions things because of "how religious I am". He didn't mean that I just accept and believe anything... but I guess typical Christians don't question thing as much as non-Christians.
I picked up a book at Barnes and Noble the other day called "Why I'm Not a Christian". I only read a little bit of the book but I found it extremely interesting. The author had a lot of questions and thoughts... which I very much disagreed with... but I think it's good to see other sides of things and where people are coming from... and it also helps me to really dig into my faith and understand what I believe and why.
Just from reading a chapter of that book, I think the author probably had some bad experiences with "Christians" or at least has seen Christianity mis-represented one too many times. It brought back a lot of thoughts of my own experience as a Christian...
I used to think Christianity was about religion. Period. It was about going to church (check), reading the bible (check), living a morally good life(check). Rituals. Religion. And oh how unfulfilling that was. Empty religion.
Then, I questioned.
And I realized this revolutionizing point: "It's not about religion, it's about a relationship". Christ-followership. Intimacy with Jesus. Loving people. Obedience springing from love, not a check-list springing from conviction and duty. Following blindly with my life, not doing my monthly act of service. Letting my heart be broken with the things that break His heart, not ignoring others and only focusing on me me me.
Relationship not religion.
And it's so not empty.
It's so more than fulfilling too.
It's Beautiful... the most beautiful thing there is.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Listen.
Well I guess it's been about a week... since I was last on here... yea, not that long... but I usually post pretty often...
Maybe it's because I have nothing to post about... but that's not really true... more of the reason is that I feel like I've been going 500 miles an hour... school, church, homecoming, stuff. It's tough.. cause I haven't been with my friends in forever. And if you know me at all, you know that's beyond important to me. I need them.
But back to the 500 miles an hour thing... so basically I realized today that I've been pretty ignorant of a lot of things since I'm doing so much... I've neglected sleep, homework, friends (not on purpose).. and today I sadly realized... God. I've been ignoring God... well I mean I've been reading His word and praying... but just not listening. Basically I've been having a one-way conversation... all me... none of Him. Yea, pretty lame relationship I know.
I ignored the nudging of the Holy Spirit today... later I paid the consequence. And I'm glad that happened.. because it made me realize my ignorance... but it really sucks that it had to come to that for me to listen... or even think about listening for that matter. I think I just need to be silent.
I love this poem... He listens... and so should I.
Silence
What’s happening here?
I was once so alive and now I’m so full of dread and almost dead
Show me your wounded head that has led to communion with the father
But where did he go?
His presence seems farther and farther away each day but I’m trying so hard to steer his way
Yet still lonely and confused on this cold hard ground I lay
Speak to me wise mouth and say “it’s all good kid, it’s nothing that you did, and though it feels like I’m not here with you right now just be still and silent and listen for that sound..
Shhh..
Did you hear it?
Listen again.
Did you hear it?
That silent voice that just spoke nothing, that is me, I’m listening to your plea with open ears
Counting all your tears flowing from your irritated eyes
Searching the skies looking for that hope that beyond there lies.
Oh you young worrisome sparrow, find rest
Lay your battered head upon my omnipresent breast and make it your nest
No strong cold wind could ever blow and carry you from this your home
Look around, see the life shooting up from the ground
Spring colors springing fourth and celebration of your trusting
It’s a constant process this is
Growing you into the man you are to become
But when you sense the setting of the sun know it is only rising and has just begun
Now go fourth, sing songs of faith, and lift up others in the midst of this race
And if you can’t keep the pace or lose sight of my face
Know that I’m always near so you need not fear
But don’t worry about all that right now
Just sit here and enjoy the peace I offer in my silence
When I am silent I am listening, and not abandoning.
-Bradley Hathaway
Maybe it's because I have nothing to post about... but that's not really true... more of the reason is that I feel like I've been going 500 miles an hour... school, church, homecoming, stuff. It's tough.. cause I haven't been with my friends in forever. And if you know me at all, you know that's beyond important to me. I need them.
But back to the 500 miles an hour thing... so basically I realized today that I've been pretty ignorant of a lot of things since I'm doing so much... I've neglected sleep, homework, friends (not on purpose).. and today I sadly realized... God. I've been ignoring God... well I mean I've been reading His word and praying... but just not listening. Basically I've been having a one-way conversation... all me... none of Him. Yea, pretty lame relationship I know.
I ignored the nudging of the Holy Spirit today... later I paid the consequence. And I'm glad that happened.. because it made me realize my ignorance... but it really sucks that it had to come to that for me to listen... or even think about listening for that matter. I think I just need to be silent.
I love this poem... He listens... and so should I.
Silence
What’s happening here?
I was once so alive and now I’m so full of dread and almost dead
Show me your wounded head that has led to communion with the father
But where did he go?
His presence seems farther and farther away each day but I’m trying so hard to steer his way
Yet still lonely and confused on this cold hard ground I lay
Speak to me wise mouth and say “it’s all good kid, it’s nothing that you did, and though it feels like I’m not here with you right now just be still and silent and listen for that sound..
Shhh..
Did you hear it?
Listen again.
Did you hear it?
That silent voice that just spoke nothing, that is me, I’m listening to your plea with open ears
Counting all your tears flowing from your irritated eyes
Searching the skies looking for that hope that beyond there lies.
Oh you young worrisome sparrow, find rest
Lay your battered head upon my omnipresent breast and make it your nest
No strong cold wind could ever blow and carry you from this your home
Look around, see the life shooting up from the ground
Spring colors springing fourth and celebration of your trusting
It’s a constant process this is
Growing you into the man you are to become
But when you sense the setting of the sun know it is only rising and has just begun
Now go fourth, sing songs of faith, and lift up others in the midst of this race
And if you can’t keep the pace or lose sight of my face
Know that I’m always near so you need not fear
But don’t worry about all that right now
Just sit here and enjoy the peace I offer in my silence
When I am silent I am listening, and not abandoning.
-Bradley Hathaway
Thursday, October 4, 2007
Motha' T.
Yea so I'm reading about Mother Teresa... she's pretty awesome. Like no joke.. one of the most selfless people in history... with the extreme exception of Big JC himself.
I found something really interesting that she wrote about in her person diaries... She talked about the fact that Jesus thirsts for us. I have never really heard that said before... She says, "Not only He loves you, even more-He longs for you. He misses you when you don't come close. He thirsts for you..." What an amazing way to express God's desire for us. He thirsts.
John 19:28 says, "Jesus, knowing that all was finished, said, "I thirst."' Jesus said this as He took some of his last breaths on the cross... and then some of the Romans held a sponge of vinegar up to His mouth... stupid Romans. That makes me laugh. I mean seriously, Jesus endured more pain than any human should... and did not complain once. Do they really think He's gonna ask for a drink NOW? No... this was a different kind of thirst... as Mother T said, "He spoke of His thirst- not for water- but for love, for sacrifice." God thirsts for these things... and He thirsts for us. Another brilliant quote of Mother...'"I thirst" is something much deeper than just Jesus saying "I love you." Until you know deep inside that Jesus thirsts for you- you can't begin to know who He wants to be for you. Or who He wants you to be for Him."
I think that last statement is interesting..."who He wants you to be for Him." Mother Teresa seemed to get this too... she wrote about what she thought the job of a missionary for Christ is to be... she said our aim should be "to satiate the thirst of Jesus" and "to quench the infinite thirst of a God made man... by our love." God thirsts for us... and we are to satisfy... to completely suffuse... to drown His thirst.
I found something really interesting that she wrote about in her person diaries... She talked about the fact that Jesus thirsts for us. I have never really heard that said before... She says, "Not only He loves you, even more-He longs for you. He misses you when you don't come close. He thirsts for you..." What an amazing way to express God's desire for us. He thirsts.
John 19:28 says, "Jesus, knowing that all was finished, said, "I thirst."' Jesus said this as He took some of his last breaths on the cross... and then some of the Romans held a sponge of vinegar up to His mouth... stupid Romans. That makes me laugh. I mean seriously, Jesus endured more pain than any human should... and did not complain once. Do they really think He's gonna ask for a drink NOW? No... this was a different kind of thirst... as Mother T said, "He spoke of His thirst- not for water- but for love, for sacrifice." God thirsts for these things... and He thirsts for us. Another brilliant quote of Mother...'"I thirst" is something much deeper than just Jesus saying "I love you." Until you know deep inside that Jesus thirsts for you- you can't begin to know who He wants to be for you. Or who He wants you to be for Him."
I think that last statement is interesting..."who He wants you to be for Him." Mother Teresa seemed to get this too... she wrote about what she thought the job of a missionary for Christ is to be... she said our aim should be "to satiate the thirst of Jesus" and "to quench the infinite thirst of a God made man... by our love." God thirsts for us... and we are to satisfy... to completely suffuse... to drown His thirst.
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Da Word.
The bible is so crazy... like the other day Amanda showed me a whole chapter in 1 Corinthians she found...it seemed like we had never even read it before. It was like God straight talking to her... like He just wrote it down. The living Word of God foreal.
And yesterday, I was going through the Old Testament and there were little books in there I've never even looked at. I'm really excited to start studying the O.T. because I don't read it as much as I should... and I'm pretty sure it's important.. I mean it's the bible Jesus read right?
It's kinna funny... the other day, someone at school told me that her teacher wouldn't let her read her Bible during our "designated reading time". The teacher told her she had to read a novel. I would have loved to ask her teacher some questions...
"Ok what.. so you want me to read some Nora Roberts romance novel? Well, actually the Bible is full of romance. In fact, it's the greatest love story ever." Or... "Would you like me to read a murder story? Well, the Bible includes one of the most brutal types of murders in history.. Crucifixion on a cross." Or maybe... "Should I read a mystery novel? Well, the Bible includes the greatest mystery... one that is still unsolved. The mystery of how God could love me and you, sinners, so much that He would die for us."
I have to say though... I do agree that the Bible is not just a novel... no it's definitely far more than a good book you read from beginning to end and then add to your bookshelf... like I said before it's the living Word of God... it's alive in our hands. We hold such a power... and so many times I forget that God's Word.. his voice to me... is right here in my grasp. Ephesians 6 calls it our sword. No wonder that teacher made my friend put her Bible away... no weapons allowed at school right?
And yesterday, I was going through the Old Testament and there were little books in there I've never even looked at. I'm really excited to start studying the O.T. because I don't read it as much as I should... and I'm pretty sure it's important.. I mean it's the bible Jesus read right?
It's kinna funny... the other day, someone at school told me that her teacher wouldn't let her read her Bible during our "designated reading time". The teacher told her she had to read a novel. I would have loved to ask her teacher some questions...
"Ok what.. so you want me to read some Nora Roberts romance novel? Well, actually the Bible is full of romance. In fact, it's the greatest love story ever." Or... "Would you like me to read a murder story? Well, the Bible includes one of the most brutal types of murders in history.. Crucifixion on a cross." Or maybe... "Should I read a mystery novel? Well, the Bible includes the greatest mystery... one that is still unsolved. The mystery of how God could love me and you, sinners, so much that He would die for us."
I have to say though... I do agree that the Bible is not just a novel... no it's definitely far more than a good book you read from beginning to end and then add to your bookshelf... like I said before it's the living Word of God... it's alive in our hands. We hold such a power... and so many times I forget that God's Word.. his voice to me... is right here in my grasp. Ephesians 6 calls it our sword. No wonder that teacher made my friend put her Bible away... no weapons allowed at school right?
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Remedy.
And disaster comes
Oh, my soul Oh, my soul
When waters rise
And hope takes flight
Oh, my soul Oh, my soul Oh, my soul
Ever faithful
Ever true
You I know
You never let go
You never let go
You never let go
You never let go
When clouds brought rain
And disaster came
Oh, my soul Oh, my soul
When waters rose
And hope had flown
Oh, my soul Oh, my soul Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul
Overflows
Oh, what love, oh, what love
Oh, my soul
Fills hope
Perfect love that never lets go
Oh, what love, oh what love
Oh, what love, oh what love
In joy and pain
In sun and rain
You’re the same
Oh, You never let go
So basically, if you haven't bought the new David Crowder cd, Remedy... i don't know what you're waiting for. Another amazing album by dcb... his lyrics are always powerful.
It's kinna funny that this entry is called Remedy considering my last one was Exhausted. I'm not going to say that God came in and cleaned up everything that's going on right now... (I've pretty much learned that that's not really how He works)... but He has given me peace. I love what Anne Lammot said, "God isn't there to take away our suffering or our pain, but to fill it with His presence." There's nothing more comforting than to know you're not alone... and I so often forget that God is right here with me... he's hurting with me. Because it's not like he's never experienced pain... I mean He took on the weight of the entire world... all our sin... He experienced death... He had to experience darkness for us... He had to experience "the abscence of God" in a sense... so that we never have to.
I am not alone. You are not alone. He is the Remedy. He's the cure to your pain... to your suffereing... to your hurt. Not because He necessarily takes it away... but because He's there.
He's there.
And he never lets go.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Exhausted.
I'm so tired... in fact I'm exhausted.. fatigued.. just plain worn out.
I mean weariness in the physical sense mainly, but I am also emotionally and mentally exhausted. Spiritually.. I don't know... can we become spiritually worn out? Maybe. I guess I just feel the need for peace and rest. Peace and rest... I really really need it.
It's funny cuz before I felt this way... several days back... I read Matthew 11:28. It says, "Come to Me, all you who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest." Beautiful... I know I say that a lot. But that's the word that comes to mind when I read scripture like this. Such a comforting verse... so encouraging and up-lifting. Thank you, God.
Something quite profound has really hit me lately. Well i guess you could call it profound... maybe after I say it though, it will seem like common sense... but see, God has really revealed to me his power and his sovereignty lately. Pena talked about this at BC this morning... she shared a little bit of her journey with God. She said that when she was at her weakest possible point God picked her up and showed her where His place in her life should be.. and she became strengthened through Him. And that helped me realize that when we are our weakest.. when we are at our lowest low... when we are tired... exhausted... that's when God's strength is the most. That's when, if we allow Him, God can make us stronger than ever because it is Him who is holding us up... not ourselves.. not our own strengths.
So I guess I should be joyous to say that I am weak.
I'M WEAK!
AND GOD IS STRONG.
I mean weariness in the physical sense mainly, but I am also emotionally and mentally exhausted. Spiritually.. I don't know... can we become spiritually worn out? Maybe. I guess I just feel the need for peace and rest. Peace and rest... I really really need it.
It's funny cuz before I felt this way... several days back... I read Matthew 11:28. It says, "Come to Me, all you who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest." Beautiful... I know I say that a lot. But that's the word that comes to mind when I read scripture like this. Such a comforting verse... so encouraging and up-lifting. Thank you, God.
Something quite profound has really hit me lately. Well i guess you could call it profound... maybe after I say it though, it will seem like common sense... but see, God has really revealed to me his power and his sovereignty lately. Pena talked about this at BC this morning... she shared a little bit of her journey with God. She said that when she was at her weakest possible point God picked her up and showed her where His place in her life should be.. and she became strengthened through Him. And that helped me realize that when we are our weakest.. when we are at our lowest low... when we are tired... exhausted... that's when God's strength is the most. That's when, if we allow Him, God can make us stronger than ever because it is Him who is holding us up... not ourselves.. not our own strengths.
So I guess I should be joyous to say that I am weak.
I'M WEAK!
AND GOD IS STRONG.
Saturday, September 22, 2007
East to West.
There is this song by Casting Crowns. The lyrics of this song are beautiful. I don't listen to "Christian" music that much, but this is a good one. It just gets me thinking about the person I would be without the Lord in my life. It's scary to think about it because I know my sinful nature loves this world. I know I would give in to the empty promises it holds. I know... because I have turned my back on God before, and it's scary to think where I'd be right now if I wasn't wrapped in the arms of the Lord, accepting his grace and forgiveness.
"As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us."
Psalm 103:12
Check the lyrics...
Here I am Lord and I’m drowning,
in Your sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me,
I yearn for peace and rest
I don’t want to end up where You found me
And it echoes in my mind
Keeps me awake tonight
I know you’ve cast my sin as far as the East is from the West
And I stand before You now as though I’ve never sinned
But today I feel like I’m just one mistake away
From You leaving me this way
Chorus:
Jesus can you show me just how far the east is from the west
‘Cause I can’t bare to see the man I’ve been
Rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
‘Cause You know just how far the east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other
I start the day, the war begins
Endless reminding of my sin
And time and time again
Your truth is drowned out by the storm I’m in
Today I feel like I’m just one mistake away
from You leaving me this way
I know You’ve watched me whine
Turn my darkness into life
I need Your peace to get me through
To get me through this night I can’t live by what I feel
About the truth Your word reveals
I’m not holding on to You
But You’re holding on to me
You’re holding on to me
Thank you, God for your Son. Thank you for making me white as snow, Father, when I know I'd be stained without the blood of Christ. Thank you for making me clean. In Jesus' name, Amen.
"As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us."
Psalm 103:12
Check the lyrics...
Here I am Lord and I’m drowning,
in Your sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me,
I yearn for peace and rest
I don’t want to end up where You found me
And it echoes in my mind
Keeps me awake tonight
I know you’ve cast my sin as far as the East is from the West
And I stand before You now as though I’ve never sinned
But today I feel like I’m just one mistake away
From You leaving me this way
Chorus:
Jesus can you show me just how far the east is from the west
‘Cause I can’t bare to see the man I’ve been
Rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
‘Cause You know just how far the east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other
I start the day, the war begins
Endless reminding of my sin
And time and time again
Your truth is drowned out by the storm I’m in
Today I feel like I’m just one mistake away
from You leaving me this way
I know You’ve watched me whine
Turn my darkness into life
I need Your peace to get me through
To get me through this night I can’t live by what I feel
About the truth Your word reveals
I’m not holding on to You
But You’re holding on to me
You’re holding on to me
Thank you, God for your Son. Thank you for making me white as snow, Father, when I know I'd be stained without the blood of Christ. Thank you for making me clean. In Jesus' name, Amen.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Embrace.
The word embrace...it makes me think of things like intimacy and real love and close relationship. There's nothing like a true embrace with a close friend... And i think it's quite beautiful that the bible talks about God embracing us.
And God has really been showing this to me lately... I talked about some of this at Breakfast Club today.
See in Luke 15, the parable of the prodigal son, it describes the father's reaction to his son returning home. It says in verse 20, "But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him." He threw his arms around his son... he embraced him. And that is God to us. Standing.. waiting.. ready with arms outstretched to embrace us. All we have to do is choose to fall into his arms!
It's taken me up until very recently to completely be vulnerable enough to fall into His open arms. Seems crazy right? Why wouldn't I want to dive into the Lord's welcoming embrace... I guess the same reason a lot of Christians don't... Fear.
I don't know but it kinna makes me think of the "trust fall"... you know that stupid activity we all have to do at some kind of camp or as some sort of team-building activity. Yea, I hate it. Because during that split second between leaning back and landing in the arms of the group... I am certain that I am going to die. I mean my body is limp and I know I have no control what so ever... which is beyond scary to me. But once I hit the arms of my friends... I realize I had nothing to be worried about.
And that's what God has finally allowed me to do... to not rely on myself.. but to give it to Him... give my entire self to Him. And it's something I have to do daily... every morning I wake up and I have to remember to die to myself... and sometimes.. most of the time.. it's hard. But like I've said before.. once I allow myself to be captured by the love of God... once I am wrapped completely in His embrace... i know there is nothing better.
I long for His embrace more than anything in this world.
And God has really been showing this to me lately... I talked about some of this at Breakfast Club today.
See in Luke 15, the parable of the prodigal son, it describes the father's reaction to his son returning home. It says in verse 20, "But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him." He threw his arms around his son... he embraced him. And that is God to us. Standing.. waiting.. ready with arms outstretched to embrace us. All we have to do is choose to fall into his arms!
It's taken me up until very recently to completely be vulnerable enough to fall into His open arms. Seems crazy right? Why wouldn't I want to dive into the Lord's welcoming embrace... I guess the same reason a lot of Christians don't... Fear.
I don't know but it kinna makes me think of the "trust fall"... you know that stupid activity we all have to do at some kind of camp or as some sort of team-building activity. Yea, I hate it. Because during that split second between leaning back and landing in the arms of the group... I am certain that I am going to die. I mean my body is limp and I know I have no control what so ever... which is beyond scary to me. But once I hit the arms of my friends... I realize I had nothing to be worried about.
And that's what God has finally allowed me to do... to not rely on myself.. but to give it to Him... give my entire self to Him. And it's something I have to do daily... every morning I wake up and I have to remember to die to myself... and sometimes.. most of the time.. it's hard. But like I've said before.. once I allow myself to be captured by the love of God... once I am wrapped completely in His embrace... i know there is nothing better.
I long for His embrace more than anything in this world.
Monday, September 10, 2007
Unconditional Love.
God never ceases to amaze me. Seriously.. I dishonor his name everyday and yet he still listens to me. I sin against him all the time and yet he still heals me. I forget to praise him and yet he still answers me. I screw up huge again and again and yet he still forgives me. I forget that I need him when things are good... and yet when I realize my weakness, he still takes me and holds me as his child. What unconditional love! Such a loving God we serve.
But oh how I can be so ungrateful... it pains me to think about it this way. I mean really think about it... The almighty God, the creator of everything, speaking to this low disrespectful sinner. And the fact that sometimes I don't even listen! How can I ignore the one who gave his life for me after I took advantage of the life he originally gave me? Why does he still continue to even acknowledge me? It's something I will never understand.. but I'm so grateful for. Love without condition.
"Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away." Song of Songs 8:7
But oh how I can be so ungrateful... it pains me to think about it this way. I mean really think about it... The almighty God, the creator of everything, speaking to this low disrespectful sinner. And the fact that sometimes I don't even listen! How can I ignore the one who gave his life for me after I took advantage of the life he originally gave me? Why does he still continue to even acknowledge me? It's something I will never understand.. but I'm so grateful for. Love without condition.
"Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away." Song of Songs 8:7
Friday, September 7, 2007
a Prayer.
Disturb us, Lord, when
We are too well pleased with ourselves,
When our dreams have come true
Because we have dreamed too little,
When we arrived safely
Because we sailed too close to the shore.
We are too well pleased with ourselves,
When our dreams have come true
Because we have dreamed too little,
When we arrived safely
Because we sailed too close to the shore.
Disturb us, Lord, when
With the abundance of things we possess
We have lost our thirst
For the waters of life;
Having fallen in love with life,
We have ceased to dream of eternity
And in our efforts to build a new earth,We have allowed our vision
Of the new Heaven to dim.
Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly,
To venture on wider seas
Where storms will show your mastery;
Where losing sight of land,
We shall find the stars.
We ask You to push back
The horizons of our hopes;
And to push into the future
In strength, courage, hope, and love.
-Sir Francis Drake
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
High School
so high school...
yea usually that's about as much enthusiasm as i have about the whole deal.. but I'm looking at my school experience differently this year... I think (well I hope) I'm looking at it through God's eyes. It's a crazy challenge though.. being amongst so many lost people everyday. But God has prepared my heart.. through being so encouraged by my friends and through prayer.
I've already had my slip-ups though. I've already missed opportunities to talk to people I felt led to talk to. I hate my fear. That's Satan's biggest way to get me. And it's funny.. cuz who do i have to fear but God right? Fear sets in too because I don't have most of my friends who are so spiritually strong and encouraging by my side at school- although I have seen people praying and I know there are other Christ-followers.. which is absolutely encouraging- but I do have to rely on God more... which is a good thing.
I can't get over this scripture lately...
"I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart; for whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God's grace with me. God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus. And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God." (Philippians 1:3-11)
..thank you to all my brothers and sisters who are so spiritually encouraging,
I am truly blessed.
yea usually that's about as much enthusiasm as i have about the whole deal.. but I'm looking at my school experience differently this year... I think (well I hope) I'm looking at it through God's eyes. It's a crazy challenge though.. being amongst so many lost people everyday. But God has prepared my heart.. through being so encouraged by my friends and through prayer.
I've already had my slip-ups though. I've already missed opportunities to talk to people I felt led to talk to. I hate my fear. That's Satan's biggest way to get me. And it's funny.. cuz who do i have to fear but God right? Fear sets in too because I don't have most of my friends who are so spiritually strong and encouraging by my side at school- although I have seen people praying and I know there are other Christ-followers.. which is absolutely encouraging- but I do have to rely on God more... which is a good thing.
I can't get over this scripture lately...
"I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart; for whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God's grace with me. God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus. And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God." (Philippians 1:3-11)
..thank you to all my brothers and sisters who are so spiritually encouraging,
I am truly blessed.
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Grief
So I finished A Grief Observed yesterday. It is basically a book of C.S. Lewis grieving and mourning the loss of his wife... I hurt for him. I can't imagine what that feels like to lose someone who is so close.. so close that they make up a part of you.
I can't really relate to the intensity of Lewis' sadness.. but everyone knows how it feels to hurt to some extent. And like Lewis.. lately I hurt because I know people that are going away.. both physically and spiritually. The physical "going away" is my friends who are leaving for college.. some very dear to me. It's just kind of weird them not being in close proximity. But that's something I can cope with much easier than watching friends who are spiritually "going away". For there are people that I know who are walking away from God... people whom I love. And the part that makes me saddest is that it seems they aren't just stumbling in their walk like we all do.. it's as if they are blatantly turning their back on God. And I pray that's not true.. I pray they're not saying "screw you" to God.. I hurt for them tremendously.
And then there are the people that aren't "going away".. they are the friends that don't have the option of doing so. They are my friends who are lost. They are the people I hurt for the most. I feel so disconnected from them... maybe I feel a tiny dose of the separation Lewis felt from his wife whom he loved so dearly when she passed... just in a different sense. So, I pray they accept God's love.. I pray they come to know my Jesus.. because they may not think so.. but they need Him.. they need him more than anything else.
I can't really relate to the intensity of Lewis' sadness.. but everyone knows how it feels to hurt to some extent. And like Lewis.. lately I hurt because I know people that are going away.. both physically and spiritually. The physical "going away" is my friends who are leaving for college.. some very dear to me. It's just kind of weird them not being in close proximity. But that's something I can cope with much easier than watching friends who are spiritually "going away". For there are people that I know who are walking away from God... people whom I love. And the part that makes me saddest is that it seems they aren't just stumbling in their walk like we all do.. it's as if they are blatantly turning their back on God. And I pray that's not true.. I pray they're not saying "screw you" to God.. I hurt for them tremendously.
And then there are the people that aren't "going away".. they are the friends that don't have the option of doing so. They are my friends who are lost. They are the people I hurt for the most. I feel so disconnected from them... maybe I feel a tiny dose of the separation Lewis felt from his wife whom he loved so dearly when she passed... just in a different sense. So, I pray they accept God's love.. I pray they come to know my Jesus.. because they may not think so.. but they need Him.. they need him more than anything else.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Only You.
Take my heart. I Lay it down
At the feet of you whose crowned.
Take my life, I’m letting go.
I lift it upto You who’s throned.
And I will worship You, Lord.
Only You, Lord.
And I will bow down before You.
Only You Lord.
Take my fret, take my fear.
All I have, I’m leaving here.
Be all my hopes, be all my dreams.
You're my delights, be my everything.
And It’s just you and me here now.
Only you and me here now.
You should see the view
When it’s only You.
David Crowder kicks butt.
At the feet of you whose crowned.
Take my life, I’m letting go.
I lift it upto You who’s throned.
And I will worship You, Lord.
Only You, Lord.
And I will bow down before You.
Only You Lord.
Take my fret, take my fear.
All I have, I’m leaving here.
Be all my hopes, be all my dreams.
You're my delights, be my everything.
And It’s just you and me here now.
Only you and me here now.
You should see the view
When it’s only You.
David Crowder kicks butt.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Blogging anyone...?
Yes... i have a blog... don't ask me what possessed me to do it... just embrace it. It's not like I got a myspace or something. I'm not that crazy. Although, I have decided to admit that many good things do come out of the cyber world... it's pretty much what you make of it... just like with anything...
Evil is always around us while we are here. I haven't found a way to avoid it. I'm working on it. I mean, I guess all us Christians could close ourselves up in some church away from the world so we wouldn't have to see the suffering or experience temptation or talk to "pagans"... but then i guess we couldn't read the bible either... unless we wanted to feel completely convicted. Because of course, Jesus did the complete opposite of separating himself from us sinners... he intentionally put himself among the suffering and the evil of this world. Rick McKinley said, "Signposts of the kingdom [of God] radiate the most beauty when they're planted in the middle of the most mess." How true... and how beautiful.
So I guess we have to be in the very center of this fallen, sin-ridden world... but that doesn't mean we have to fall into Satan's traps. God gives us hope and encouragement in 1 John 5. "This is love for God: to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome, for everyone born of God overcomes the world."
I am born of God... so I can overcome the world? Wow. That means I have won the battle over lust and temptation. I can overcome worldly desires... but ONLY through faith in Christ. And his commands aren't a burden? That's interesting because a lot of people think of commands as rules and simply a moral code that shuts us off from fun. And to be honest, I sometimes don't want to follow them... sometimes, I would rather sin. But the second I realize God's love... the second I let myself get captured in it... I know there's nothing better. I know I don't want anything to do with sin. I don't want any darkness to take away from the light of my Savior and my ability to receive his love. I want to stay wrapped in His arms forever. That's why his commands aren't burdensome... because they keep me closer to Him.
Thank you, God, for your commands and your love. Amen.
Evil is always around us while we are here. I haven't found a way to avoid it. I'm working on it. I mean, I guess all us Christians could close ourselves up in some church away from the world so we wouldn't have to see the suffering or experience temptation or talk to "pagans"... but then i guess we couldn't read the bible either... unless we wanted to feel completely convicted. Because of course, Jesus did the complete opposite of separating himself from us sinners... he intentionally put himself among the suffering and the evil of this world. Rick McKinley said, "Signposts of the kingdom [of God] radiate the most beauty when they're planted in the middle of the most mess." How true... and how beautiful.
So I guess we have to be in the very center of this fallen, sin-ridden world... but that doesn't mean we have to fall into Satan's traps. God gives us hope and encouragement in 1 John 5. "This is love for God: to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome, for everyone born of God overcomes the world."
I am born of God... so I can overcome the world? Wow. That means I have won the battle over lust and temptation. I can overcome worldly desires... but ONLY through faith in Christ. And his commands aren't a burden? That's interesting because a lot of people think of commands as rules and simply a moral code that shuts us off from fun. And to be honest, I sometimes don't want to follow them... sometimes, I would rather sin. But the second I realize God's love... the second I let myself get captured in it... I know there's nothing better. I know I don't want anything to do with sin. I don't want any darkness to take away from the light of my Savior and my ability to receive his love. I want to stay wrapped in His arms forever. That's why his commands aren't burdensome... because they keep me closer to Him.
Thank you, God, for your commands and your love. Amen.
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