a homeless outreach ministry, but more than that
my family.
there isn't a time i go that i don't encounter jesus.
today i met jesus in the face of a man named kevin...
kevin is one of many black middle-aged homeless men in dallas. but this man isn't just homeless, experiencing all the struggles that come along with being poor. this man also has cancer. he just recently had surgery to remove the cancer in his stomach. and he now has a feeding tube that is taped to his stomach under his shirt. he gets nourishment by pumping food himself directly into his belly... and by eating very soft foods like mashed potatoes or soup (not easy to come by considering there is only so many options at the shelters). he is in constant pain from his stomach. but this man also has cancer. yes again. kevin has cancer in his mouth. he can only talk for about ten seconds before he has to pause and let the pain in the right side of his mouth subside.
you may not know from looking at kevin that he was suffering. he holds himself up very strongly. but if you watch him, you can see the strain it takes for him to simply walk to the next room. or the way he squeezes his eyes shut when a sharp stomach pain comes on. or the exhausted expression you feel when you look him directly in the eyes.
as i talked with kevin today, he told me he couldnt find a word to describe what he was feeling. his mom died years ago to cancer at 47. kevin is 45. almost all of his family has died from cancer as well. but it isnt really the physical pain that hurts. the emotional strain is almost unbearable. he had to quit his job because he literally cannot work. so now he was to beg for money to get a bus ticket to his appointments. he doesnt have the $14 it takes to fill his prescription for his pain medication. he has to wait patiently on a list to get the medical assistance he desperately needs right now. he tells me of the countless nights he goes to bed hungry because 'the bridge' didnt have anything soft for him to eat that day. he has lost an unbelievable amount of weight. he is constantly dehydrated.
and as he tells me this... i know this isnt a pity party. its a deep deep hurt... that like the cancer itself, literally is infecting his life and plauging him. at one point, the pain is too much, and he begins to sob. all i can do muster an "i'm sorry" and hand him a napkin. i watch his pain, and i wish so badly i could take some of it. i wish i could think of some sort of encouragement. because no "everything happens for a reason" is going to help this one. this is real nasty hardcore job-like junk.
so i let god talk... whatever that means. and i tell kevin what an encouragement he is to me. because throughout our whole conversation he continues to say that he knows the lord has a plan.. and that he has a purpose for his life... and that he is a living testimony. and kevin praises god... with the very mouth that is infected with cancer. this is a very spiritual battle. kevin goes on to tell how good the lord is. and he begins to smile and laugh. and he tells me one of the most beautiful definitions of love i've ever heard..
he said love is:
an unconditional
self-sacrificing
commitment to the truth.
and thats the best gift ever,
thats what keeps him going.
kevin doesnt just have cancer in his mouth and stomach. it is spiritual warfare. satan literally wants to shut this man up. and he literally wants to stop him from getting physically and spiritually fed. and kevin is not going to stop.
kevin will forever be an encouragement to me. he told me to always remember him... when i am at my lowest of the lowest point in life... to think of him and be encouraged. and you better believe i will.
tonight my spirit grieves for my brother.. as i know he is out on the streets on this cold night... holding his stomach with one hand... and his mouth with the other... waiting for the darkness to turn to daylight again... crying inside because the tears are just all dried up...
all the while praising sweet jesus for another day to be a soldier for his namesake.
2 comments:
Meghan, your entry today makes me feel real good about how my life is. Can't the government help him? That is really sad. You gave me something to pray about. I hope somebody helps him so he can die without pain. Sound like enough to scar somebody without even go through it. Bless you Meghan, may God give you the right answer for him-Big Dave
I dont know you or have never met you, but only stumbled over your blog. Ive been reading them and i myself feel inspired. Youre a wonderful person. One of the few who really care. Like i said, i dont know you but from your writing, you sacrifice yourself to the me the reader. All in all i just wanted to thank you for that. I want to be a better person when i read your blogs and your acts of kindness have inspired me. Hopefully, i can one day gather the strenght to help my fellow man like you do. I completely agree with you. It is very hard to see sometimes why i do the things i do. the pointless things. the selfish, disgusting things that we call life. But you seem to have some of it figured out. You are not disgusting. but beautiful. i hope that many others will read your blog and see how caring and thoughful the world can be. thank you
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