words can never say the way he says my name.

i go through phases with the way i see jesus.

i guess depending on what i'm studying in his word... what music i'm into at the time... what situation in life i'm in... 

all determines which characteristic of christ i really focus in on at the time.

lately,

i've really been looking at jesus as a lover.

like an intimacy.

i love these scriptures in isaiah...

"i will greatly rejoice in the Lord; 

my soul shall exult in my God, for he has closed me with the garments of salvation; 

he has covered me with the robe of righteousness, 

as bridegroom decks himself like a priest with a beautiful headdress, 

and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels."

isaiah 61.10

"for as a young man marries a young woman, 

so shall your sons (and daughters) marry you, 

and as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, 

so shall your God rejoice over you."

isaiah 62.5

this song displays my affections for jesus and his affections for me.

**side note: i am not promoting "jesus culture" here, although i do think kim walker can sing it up... this song was actually written by sarah mcmillan, wife of john mark mcmillan who wrote "how he loves".

words can never say

the way he says my name

he calls me lovely.

+ and -

being home definitely has its pros and cons.  

sometimes i'm happy being back in garland, tx...

on the other hand,

many times i'm pretty much ready to be back in austin.

let's do a little plus and minus shall we...

things i like about home.

• lifetime fitness gym... i miss my barbell class and all the other perks that come with the uppity fitness center.
• silence
• free food
• springcreek
• a kitchen to cook in
• the back patio
• my best friends in the world
• cafe brazil
• mercy house
• gooey's frozen yogurt
• the village
• my family
• catching up with old friends

things i don't like about being home.

• i am allergic to garland... or my dog.
• the immense lack of cool coffeeshops
• having to have the conservation with every 1 in 3 people i run into about why i'm not playing ball
• the boredom that comes with the comfort of suburbia
• having to drive everywhere
• missing my friends/community in austin
• holiday family-wide sickness
• waiting
• my room
• run-ins with awkward people

its good to be home...

in garland that is.

but i'm getting ready to go back to austin...

which i often find myself calling home too.

ps.  go see "slumdog millionare".

a year in the life.

i've been looking back on the year of 2008 in the life of meghan strickland.  its interesting seeing where i was in january 2008... can't believe that was only a year ago.  

i think i have learned more this year than any previous year.  

i feel like paraphrasing my year list style.

1. i really began to learn what true godly relationships/dating look like.
2. i experienced a new level of closeness and intimacy with the Father... beginning with hearing Him say "you are my child"... a moment i will forever cherish with Him.
3. i found Mercy House in dallas... a homeless outreach ministry.  a group of people i now consider family.  jesus changed my life in that place and through those people.
4. jesus softened my heart... and i felt brokeness in a way i never had... for the lost and the oppressed.
5. i went through a horrible exhausting time of legalism... but was reintroduced to GRACE.  and it was all the more beautiful.
6. i faced one of the most difficult events of my life... one of those "is this really happening?" moments.  i felt betrayed.  i felt shock.  i felt anger.  i felt bitterness.  i felt sadness.  i felt confused.  i got really mad... at a lot of people.  

  but then redemption.  healing.  reconciliation.  to god.  and to others.  for many.  i forgave.  i was forgiven.  i felt peace.  i witnessed God do what he does best... making beauty out of the mess.  

  i grew.  a lot.  and i am freed from bitterness.  and i am grateful that jesus let me fall on my face and feel my desperate desperate need for Him.

     7.  i went to Kenya.  (and from this i could write a book)  in short, jesus rocked my face off.   africa forever has one of the pieces of my heart that broke off when my world shattered there... in a good way.  i only hope to one day return to my brothers and sisters there... the people who taught me more in two weeks than i've learned in years.

     8.  i went through a rough stage with america.  i got pissed.  i was sick... at the culture, war, politics, "the american church", materialism, suburbia, rich people, consumerism, complacency... i was sick.  full of cynicism and dare i say, hatred.  i refused to say the pledge.  i got frustrated hearing about soldiers.  i got angry when i saw the american flag in churches.  i argued with friends and others.  and i turned into a self-righteous judge.  and i thought this was the third way... the way of jesus.  but i was adopting my own way... and it lacked love.  

i'm thankful to say jesus convicted me.  and he freed me.  i have a new understanding.  one that is not satisfied with the way things are... but one that allows me to love those that are hard for me to love... one that allows me to vote... one that allows me to be grateful for my country (although i'd rather not live here forever :) )

     9. i graduated high school... a long-awaited day.

    10. i moved to atx... and started my first semester of college.

    11.  met beautiful friends and found an incredible body of believers

    12.  watched god's transforming power as my previously atheist roommate fell absolutely in love with jesus christ. 

    13.  felt confirmation on god's calling on my life... to be, in some way, shape, or form, with the physically poor.  (still patiently waiting on specifics)

    14.  made a 4.0 in my first semester of college.  

bring it 2009.

roots and reflection.

reflection.

this is a discipline i need to practice more regularly.  

i like to be doing something.  i like to get things done.

i like to get through a stack of books and say DONE.

i like feeling accomplished.  who doesnt?

but what good is it really, if i get a lot "done" but dont let it touch my heart.

reminds me of high school... get work done, do what i need to do to get the A...

now if you ask me one thing about calculus.. no clue.

so i need to slow down... breathe... take things in... reflect.

if i listen to teaching... reflect.

if i read a book... reflect.

if i study scripture... reflect.

if i have good conversation with a friend... reflect.

if i do life for a semester... reflect.

easier said than done though.

reflection can be hard.  we forget things.  

it can also be messy.  those burdens we've shoved to that dark corners of our hearts.  those sins in our lives that we just cant shake.  those moments of absolute failure.  reflection causes those ugly things to flood back into the very front stage of our minds... vivid and clear as ever.

messy...

but when god takes a humble step into the cesspool of our filth... what is always birthed forth from our mess is beauty.

but this process of beautification... this progressive sanctifying... begins with reflection.

and it begins at the root.  

if we don't start at the root... we will live forever in the endless cycle of bondage.  we will time after time fall on our face exhausted as our sin continues to drag us by the ankle through mud.  our spirit will die because no amount of extensive moral striving can fix the mess.  we will lose hope... in our selves and in God.

we have to begin at the root.  that means we have to roll up our sleeve and dig.  we have to come to grips with the source of the junk in our lives.  otherwise the manifestations will always linger.

i've got junk.  

so i'm reflecting.

and letting the maker put his gloves on and uproot these evils in my heart that were never meant to be there... and allowing him to further the sanctification only He can do in me... so that one day i can proclaim victory over sin.  all the while, in the process, leaving holes in my heart where these idols are uprooted... holes that will be filled with His love... until my every vein and artery pumps with the blood of jesus... the very blood that saves my life.

the gospel.

matt chandler layed out what the gospel is the other day... so i just want to share it.

the triune god (three persons in one: father, spirit, son),

in perfect harmony

and out of an overflow of love,

birthed forth creation (all other creation narratives believe that the universe was birthed in angst out of a power struggle between gods)

and god creates everything to have a higher purpose,

everything is meant to create gratitude that flows out of our hearts into worship for his name (food we eat, marriage, sex, wine…).

 

but sin enters into the world and fractures creation and our relationship with god (causing those things: food we eat, marriage, sex, wine… to terminate on themselves and become insatiable, losing their taste.).

 

THEN god, in his ferocious holy love,

comes as a man and lives perfectly… sinlessly until he is arrested, beaten, and murdered.

and in his crucifixion,

all the requirements of the law are fulfilled for those who would believe,

and all the wrath toward sinners is absorbed in jesus Christ.

 

he goes into the ground.

three days later, god raises him from the dead. (the resurrection is the objective evidence that the law is fulfilled and all the wrath of god is spent.)

 

so that, if we would believe and place our faith in Christ and him alone as the forgiver of our sins

and we would repent,

we would have full life here on earth

and eternal life in our perfect union with god.

 

THAT IS THE GOSPEL.

the curse.

one of my favorite verses in scripture is: 

he made him who knew no sin to become sin on our behalf,

that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.

2 corinthians 5:21

but i've recently seen this scripture from a different angle.  

the part that says that he made him... become sin.

he became sin.

jesus in his holiness, became sin.

jesus in his righteousness, became sin.

jesus, god in the flesh, became sin.

this is really hard for me.

no matter how hard i wrinkle my forehead...

i just can't get this one.

what really got me thinking on this is galatains 3: 10-14

but specifically:

christ redeemed us from the curse of the law

by becoming a curse for us- 

for it is written,

"cursed is everyone who is hanged on a tree."

galatians 3:13

pauls says he became sin.

then he says he became a curse.  

why didn't paul just say 

"jesus took our curse"

"jesus took our sin"

why did he have to BECOME these things.

i've always looked at jesus as a blessing...

which would be the opposite of a curse.

but then i think about jesus' words on the cross..

"ELI, ELI, LAMA SABACHTHANI?"

"MY GOD, MY GOD.  WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?"

this is disturbing.

it's as if jesus is saying...

"dad, why have you turned your back on me?"

"father, why have you removed your blessing from me?"

i heard a sermon on this subject.

and the pastor said something that sounded horrific...

if one had been sleeping during the teaching this would have perked them right up.

so be prepared for this... take heed and look at it from it's very literal meaning.

because there, on the cross, on calvary's mountain, outside of jerusalem

GOD DAMNED JESUS.

and he 

became

a

curse.

jesus became a curse for us.

he became something god hated.

because he loves us that much.

i still don't fully grasp this.

who knows if i ever will.

but i know this much...

that we can either bear the curse of God... the one we fully are under... the one we fully deserve

OR

we can flee to the arms of the one who became the curse of God for us.

Joy to the world...

he comes to make his blessings flow...

far as the curse is found.

may my love reach you all.

"dead man's will" by iron & wine and calexico... why have i never listened to this?  beautiful. i often look at beautiful songs as fitting one of two categories: funeral or wedding.  obviously this is the perfect funeral song.  samuel bean is all i need.  

an infant.

i cant get over this image of the almighty holy God

coming to earth as an infant...

an infant.

i've been around my fair share of babies lately... boy, what a humble estate.  they are completely helpless.  they have to be fed.  they suck their thumbs.  they cry.  they need help just to burp.  

seriously, God in this form?

Couldn't He have brought Jesus to earth as a teenager at least?  we dont even know anything really about his childhood... from the manger scene until we find him in the temple preaching at age twelve... nothing. 

 

see, i always have these images of jesus as a servant in his humility... riding a donkey, washing feet, taking beatings, not speaking a word, dying an incredibly embarrassing death.  

but how unbelievably humble is this picture of God coming as a baby.  

jesus in diapers.

i think this just shows the characteristic of God in such a beautiful way.

fully human.  fully god.

completely reliant.  completely in control.

a child.  a king.

a quiet birth.  a change in history.

an infant. a savior.  

the beginning of an end.

as will ferrell would say,

dear lord baby jesus.

it is the night of our dear savior's birth.

a funnel for this passion.

i realize in this short time of rest... how much i need to write.  not that i am any sort of gifted writer.. but more that its just one of those things i need to do... to keep my sanity.  otherwise, i let life live me...  i let ideas come in.  then i forget.  i get passionate about an organization, a ministry, a relationship, a focus, a path, a direction... then i quickly drop it and run to the next thing that twinkles and catches my eye.  so i need focus.  i need to stop.  i need to breathe.  i need to reflect.  i need to consult.  i need to think.  i need to pray.  

and so i write...

i am discouraged some.  

i am a passionate person.  i feel the lord has lit a burning fire in my soul... for the poor, the lowly, the oppressed, 

for people (for we are all each of these things in some form).  

recently though, i am afraid i've lost something in this righteous anger that moves me to passion and then to action.  because it is the action part that i seem to be stuck at.  and my question is how?  

i've had a few of these discouraging moments over the past few months in austin.  and god has given me reminders and confirmation of his calling on my life.  he has given me opprotunities to see that i CAN help... that those whispers in my head telling me to quit trying, i'm just wasting my time, i can't do anything about this are from satan.

but i've come to a lull.  

and this weekend i saw a good friend.  i havent gotten to see him much since i moved to austin... but he is one of the most passionate jesus-loving guys i know.  he has always encouraged me simply by the way he pursues people.  we've done ministry together.  we share the same heart for missions... locally and internationally.  he has incredible gifts... one of which is film.  he wants to spend his life making films for jesus... most likely capturing the stories of the oppressed to show the world.  and he won't let anything stop him from doing kingdom work.

but this weekend... i've never seen the guy so low.  he was discouraged beyond belief... frustrated and angry.  he told me he feels like every door is slamming in his face.  he set so many things aside to pursue this and its all falling a part.  everyone he had on board to get something started has fallen off.  he is alone.  he is exhausted... in every sense of the word.  he is stuck.  he is confused and frustrated.  and he is wondering what in the world the lord is doing.  should he wait?  even longer than he already has?  is he pursuing the wrong thing?  surely not.

this broke me.  it broke me to see a guy with such zeal to do WHATEVER the lord asks of him, a guy with an "i dont care what the world thinks" attitude, a guy who's willing to be uncomfortable for jesus... it broke me to see my brother feeling so lost and so dead.

i had no words for him.  how could i encourage him when i am asking the same question of the lord?  even if i tried to give words... they are only mine.  so we prayed.  and we sat.  and we shook our head.  and we asked why.  and we praised his name.  and now we wait.

but do we wait?  there is a time for this i know.  but when is it a time to seek?  when is it a time when god is waiting on US?  do we not act because of "divine dismissal"?  is that really what this is?

my friend is confused.  he desperately needs the lord's guidance.  and so do i.  i hate feeling complacent.  i feel like the time to act is now.  to find what it is the lord would have me do for the next month, 6 months, a year, 4 years, my life... and pour all of this passion and emotion and anger and excitement and love completely and fully into every ounce of the road.  to pour myself out for jesus christ and his people.  

i just want to know 

what that looks like...

a funnel.

help us savior.

psalm 9:18

samson and margaret got food, clothes, furniture, and a COW...

that's my boy.  he's a g.

these few things change the ontanyo's day to day life.  these thing change their social status.  these things change their income dramatically.  these things change their morale.  these things change their life.  

thank you all HOPE supports.  any money leftover from the trip went to a family... my family... our family on the other side of the globe.  

merry christmas samson and margaret. 

i miss you both.

nakupenda sana.