a funnel for this passion.

i realize in this short time of rest... how much i need to write.  not that i am any sort of gifted writer.. but more that its just one of those things i need to do... to keep my sanity.  otherwise, i let life live me...  i let ideas come in.  then i forget.  i get passionate about an organization, a ministry, a relationship, a focus, a path, a direction... then i quickly drop it and run to the next thing that twinkles and catches my eye.  so i need focus.  i need to stop.  i need to breathe.  i need to reflect.  i need to consult.  i need to think.  i need to pray.  

and so i write...

i am discouraged some.  

i am a passionate person.  i feel the lord has lit a burning fire in my soul... for the poor, the lowly, the oppressed, 

for people (for we are all each of these things in some form).  

recently though, i am afraid i've lost something in this righteous anger that moves me to passion and then to action.  because it is the action part that i seem to be stuck at.  and my question is how?  

i've had a few of these discouraging moments over the past few months in austin.  and god has given me reminders and confirmation of his calling on my life.  he has given me opprotunities to see that i CAN help... that those whispers in my head telling me to quit trying, i'm just wasting my time, i can't do anything about this are from satan.

but i've come to a lull.  

and this weekend i saw a good friend.  i havent gotten to see him much since i moved to austin... but he is one of the most passionate jesus-loving guys i know.  he has always encouraged me simply by the way he pursues people.  we've done ministry together.  we share the same heart for missions... locally and internationally.  he has incredible gifts... one of which is film.  he wants to spend his life making films for jesus... most likely capturing the stories of the oppressed to show the world.  and he won't let anything stop him from doing kingdom work.

but this weekend... i've never seen the guy so low.  he was discouraged beyond belief... frustrated and angry.  he told me he feels like every door is slamming in his face.  he set so many things aside to pursue this and its all falling a part.  everyone he had on board to get something started has fallen off.  he is alone.  he is exhausted... in every sense of the word.  he is stuck.  he is confused and frustrated.  and he is wondering what in the world the lord is doing.  should he wait?  even longer than he already has?  is he pursuing the wrong thing?  surely not.

this broke me.  it broke me to see a guy with such zeal to do WHATEVER the lord asks of him, a guy with an "i dont care what the world thinks" attitude, a guy who's willing to be uncomfortable for jesus... it broke me to see my brother feeling so lost and so dead.

i had no words for him.  how could i encourage him when i am asking the same question of the lord?  even if i tried to give words... they are only mine.  so we prayed.  and we sat.  and we shook our head.  and we asked why.  and we praised his name.  and now we wait.

but do we wait?  there is a time for this i know.  but when is it a time to seek?  when is it a time when god is waiting on US?  do we not act because of "divine dismissal"?  is that really what this is?

my friend is confused.  he desperately needs the lord's guidance.  and so do i.  i hate feeling complacent.  i feel like the time to act is now.  to find what it is the lord would have me do for the next month, 6 months, a year, 4 years, my life... and pour all of this passion and emotion and anger and excitement and love completely and fully into every ounce of the road.  to pour myself out for jesus christ and his people.  

i just want to know 

what that looks like...

a funnel.

help us savior.