i've been really upset with myself lately... my lack of boldness to proclaim the Gospel is sickening. I have so many petty fears that I let get in the way of Jesus. And i wonder... why does this world have so much hold on me? such a frustrating idea because... it really.does.not.matter.
so i've been trying to kill this sin of mine... this scardy-cat syndrome... this o-ye-of-little-faith disease. this morning me and some friends on my hall went to the top of a beautiful mountain to watch the sunrise over austin. so majestic! we had some beautiful time with the lord.
we decided to rid ourselves of the sins and burdens that are weighing us down that we cannot seem to get out from under. so we wrote down whatever sin it was... ripped it up in a million pieces... and let the wind carry it off the side of that cliff. yes, cheesy.. clique.. i know. but beautiful indeed.... especially after reading psalm 103 which says God has removed our transgressions as far as the east is from the west.
so i threw away my fear. i surrendered to the Lord... i asked for a new strength and a new degree of boldness in my faith. crazy, radical, ridiculous action.
didnt take long for jc to go to work. i walked out of a coffee shop this afternoon and ran into a homeless friend of mine, tater'd. he usually forgets my name... so i'm known simply as the christian hippie traveler. (not sure about the traveler part but i'll claim it). we were talking on the drag in front of the square where the hippie vendors in austin sell all their jewlery and shirts. so we were pretty much in the midst of the busiest area right on the sidewalk... partially blocking the paths of everyone walking by.
so another homeless guy named jeffro came up... seemingly a little drunk. he asked me if i loved jesus... i told him yes... and he said he did too. then he asked me if i wanted to pray. i said yes and proceeded to get out of the middle of the street to pray for him. instead, jeffro grabbed taterd's hand and mine tight, squeezed his eyes shut, and began to pray like no body's business. he was shouting.... like intense prayer too... like GOD, WE REBUKE THE ENEMY. GET BEHIND US SATAN. LEAD US TO FISH FOR MEN. YOU ARE POWERFUL! this continued for probably 5 minutes... which in all honesty, felt like a lifetime considering people were bumping into us and making comments as they were walking by and jeffro was squeezing all the blood out of my hand.
moral of story---> God gave me an opportunity to be bold. in fact, He left me no choice. i was really self-conscious for the first minute or so. what are people saying? they probably think i'm crazy? jeffro is praying way too loud. he's probably disturbing people. his praying probably sounds scary! but once i realized that this public prayer with two homeless guys in the middle of austin, shouting, hand in hand, raising our arms, our eyes squeezed shut... was an answer to my prayer.
BOLDNESS.
UNDIGNIFIED.
"and what can i say
what can i do
but offer this heart
O God
completely
to You."
1 comment:
I teared up a little when i read this..in the middle of a crowded library. its funny that i was just thinking about this last night. And yeah! Are we ashamed of the Gospel or do we do what He has called us to do? It really doesnt matter but its hard to let go of those stupid fears. Thats beautiful what He revealed to you.
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