Boldness.

Jesus is crazy... and i follow this crazy man.  and i'm coming to realize my life has to look crazy too... that is if i'm really following him.

i've been really upset with myself lately... my lack of boldness to proclaim the Gospel is sickening.  I have so many petty fears that I let get in the way of Jesus.  And i wonder... why does this world have so much hold on me?  such a frustrating idea because... it really.does.not.matter.

so i've been trying to kill this sin of mine... this scardy-cat syndrome... this o-ye-of-little-faith disease.  this morning me and some friends on my hall went to the top of a beautiful mountain to watch the sunrise over austin.  so majestic!  we had some beautiful time with the lord.

we decided to rid ourselves of the sins and burdens that are weighing us down that we cannot seem to get out from under.  so we wrote down whatever sin it was... ripped it up in a million pieces... and let the wind carry it off the side of that cliff.  yes, cheesy.. clique.. i know.  but beautiful indeed.... especially after reading psalm 103 which says God has removed our transgressions as far as the east is from the west.

so i threw away my fear.  i surrendered to the Lord... i asked for a new strength and a new degree of boldness in my faith.  crazy, radical, ridiculous action.  

didnt take long for jc to go to work.  i walked out of a coffee shop this afternoon and ran into a homeless friend of mine, tater'd.  he usually forgets my name... so i'm known simply as the christian hippie traveler. (not sure about the traveler part but i'll claim it).  we were talking on the drag in front of the square where the hippie vendors in austin sell all their jewlery and shirts.  so we were pretty much in the midst of the busiest area right on the sidewalk... partially blocking the paths of everyone walking by.  

so another homeless guy named jeffro came up... seemingly a little drunk.  he asked me if i loved jesus... i told him yes... and he said he did too.  then he asked me if i wanted to pray.  i said yes and proceeded to get out of the middle of the street to pray for him.  instead, jeffro grabbed taterd's hand and mine tight, squeezed his eyes shut, and began to pray like no body's business.  he was shouting.... like intense prayer too... like GOD, WE REBUKE THE ENEMY.  GET BEHIND US SATAN.  LEAD US TO FISH FOR MEN.  YOU ARE POWERFUL!  this continued for probably 5 minutes... which in all honesty, felt like a lifetime considering people were bumping into us and making comments as they were walking by and jeffro was squeezing all the blood out of my hand.  

moral of story---> God gave me an opportunity to be bold.  in fact, He left me no choice.  i was really self-conscious for the first minute or so.  what are people saying?  they probably think i'm crazy?  jeffro is praying way too loud.  he's probably disturbing people.  his praying probably sounds scary!  but once i realized that this public prayer with two homeless guys in the middle of austin, shouting, hand in hand, raising our arms, our eyes squeezed shut... was an answer to my prayer.  

BOLDNESS.

UNDIGNIFIED.

"and what can i say

what can i do

but offer this heart

O God

completely

to You."

a pitiful fool.

"If we have hoped in Christ in this life only, we are of all men most to be pitied."

1 Cor 15:19

The few moments when i actually grasp and experience the weight of this verse... i am shamed.  if the resurection did not happen... would i be looked at as a poor, sad, pitiful soul that poured out all she had for Jesus and lived a life of absolute sold out commitment to the hope of the resurrection?

God has not stopped repeating this scripture in my ear.  "Are you above all most to be pitied?" he says.  or am i one that if Jesus did not raise again, wouldn't have that much evidence for anyone to feel sorry for me... cause i wasn't all that sold out anyway.

John Piper writes about this text.  He talks about the way Paul lived a life worthy of being called a pitiable fool.  And he goes on to discuss this life... a sold out life... one of self-sacrifice versus a lukewarm (church word) life... one of self-indulgence.

Throw down Piper:

"The incentive goes like this: I believe that deep down most of you, at your best and highest moments, dream of spending your lives in sacrificial love, not selfish indulgence. We dream of a life that's cutting edge and radical and risk-taking and different from the cautious, prudent, secure, self-enhancing life of middle-class America.

I know that there is another side to us and that we have other dreams that we are not very proud of. We dream of all the physical pleasures, all the material comforts, all the earthly securities, all the family delights, all the human esteem or fame that is possible to get in this life. And if that's all you dream about, then my point in this message is probably going to go in one ear and out the other.

But I think most of you have had those higher moments when you dream of spending your life in the service of some great cause that helps other people in spite of tremendous cost to you - a life of sacrificial love, not selfish indulgence."

i want to live radically.  

i want to live with a reckless abandon.  

i want to live the life of a pitiful fool if this jesus story isn't true.

and for the record... it is true.  Jesus rose.  for me.  for you.  and that is enough for me to want to be a pitiful fool for Him.

Jesus forgive me when i am so far from this.

drunk girl.

so last night i was talking with some friends out on the street... and this girl walks up (well, more like skips up to us)... she has a huge smile on her face... and she just starts hugging and laying all over us... not to mention she has a lipstick kiss mark on her cheek!  she then proceeds to tell us her name while she's hugging us a second time.  by this time, i'm pretty convinced that she's drunk.  she is just absolutely goofy happy.  but when we inquire about the lipstick... she says "why not?!".. but then goes on to say that she just got back from her community group (some sort of group that gathers to talk about how incredible jesus is).... then i notice that she is wearing a cross around her neck.  and suddenly it hits me... this girl isn't drunk on alcohol... shes drunk of JESUS!!  joy is spilling out of her heart and overflowing onto us.  and she simply cannot help it!

there's a name for what that girl was doing... WORSHIP.  she was worshipping our Lord.  i think we probably hugged 4 or 5 more times within those 5-10 minutes and i was bummed when she left... i had just encountered Jesus in that girl.  it was beautiful.  and encouraging as heck.  

me and a friend had been talking about worship about an hour before our encounter with our new friend.  we were discussing how worship is something you just cannot contain... worship is our response to what Jesus has done for us... a response.  our actions should reflect this.  we should lift our hands and stand on our tip toes because we want to get closer to Him.  we should fall to our knees in awe of this Mighty God because we are so undeserving yet so loved.  we should dance and sing and yell out joyously from the depths of our soul.  

we should bear hug people we don't even know.

because jesus is that sweet.

"and the cry of my heart is to bring You praise 

from the inside out, O my soul cries out Lord."

the center.

Well i cannot believe the day has finally come... I am moving to Austin tomorrow morning.  i am so excited to be thrown out of the comfortable normalcy of my life in Garland.  Leaving beautiful friends and the support i have from them and accountability is no fun.  But i have faith that my time with them has only been to strengthen my walk with the Lord for a time such as this.  Thank you friends.  I owe you my life.

I'm going to go ahead and write this... i pray it doesn't happen... but i need to write it as a reminder to myself.  The temptation in a place like Austin... for me at least... is not the parties or craziness or blatant sin... but it's a matter of motives.  Getting caught up in the "cool factor", as lame as that sounds.  It is feeding the homeless because it's what any cool bohemian austin hippie would do.  It's going to a church because they do trendy things.  It's sacrificing time with my precious Jesus to read a book (maybe even a "christian" book :o).  It's wearing clothes with a peace sign on it because that's what everyone wears.  

All these things are not necessarily "bad"... but the reason for doing them is NOT Jesus.  O the tricky ways of the enemy.  I am about to be thrown into a battle.  I must be aware and ready.  I must not let these backward motives sneak in.  It must always be about Christ.

Jesus at the center

of it all.  

oh how he loves us.

i've been in love with this song... and i just heard the story behind it... it's incredible.

Praise of Men.

"Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven.  Thus when you give to the needy, sound no trumpet, as the HYPOCRITES do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by others.  Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward.  But when you give to the needy do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret.  And your Father who sees in secret will reward you."  Matthew 6:1-4

"Woe to you who are rich, for you have received your consolation."  Luke 6:24

"Woe to you, when people speak well of you, for so their fathers did to the false prophets."  Luke 6:26

I am convicted.  I am absolutely guilty according to these scriptures... and many more I didn't write out.  I want the praises of men.  I want others to know I feed the homeless.  I want my "righteous acts" to be known.  Ha... funny how the Lord says "my righteous acts" are like filthy rags (Isaiah 64:6).  The best possible humanitarian act... the most glorious charity deed... the single most outstanding, mother-teresa-sized display of compassion I can muster... is like a dirty dish rag in the eyes of the Father.  I fall so so so so so short even on my best day.

The Message reads: "But there's trouble ahead if you think you have it made.  What you have is all you'll ever get... There's trouble ahead when you live only for the approval of others." (Luke 6:24, 26)  If I want man's praise... God says that's what I'll get.  He's a gentlemen... he'll let me have what I want.  But He says I won't see them!  I won't see you doing the things I have called you to do FOR ME. You will get no recognition from me!  

So often i try to serve both God and man.  I need to be delivered from my fickleness.  

Thank the Lord I have a Savior... who came to save me from myself.

Thanks ad for sharing your conviction on this... you helped ME see.

Thank you Jesus for your Grace.  Amen.

trouble.

so my friend liz gave me this louie giglio sermon to watch... now i'm a louie fan and all but honestly i really wasn't that excited about tuning into two 45-minute Passion Conference sermons on dvd.

well i finished part II last night... and i was blown away. there is this central and beautiful truth that louie reveals that i just cannot get over. i want to share it with you.. whoever reads this ha... but i'm no lou so forgive me if this doesn't sound as eloquent. (if you do have 90 spare minutes on your hands.. go get the dvd... its called HOPE- When Life Hurts Most)


John 16:33 says: "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

so essentially... louie's 90 minutes in a nutshell was this:

1. Trouble... earth-shattering, heart-ripping, life-altering, pain-staking TROUBLE... is inevitable. It. Will. Come. if it hasn't already.
2. The Cross... is the worst and the best thing that ever happened. Christ experienced more pain and suffering than anyone of us so that we might have a Savior who understands our pain. Jesus offers Himself and His cross as an anchor of hope no matter what we face in life.
3. Suffering.. then becomes something we can endure... but more importantly suffering becomes a way for us to bring His name glory.... a way for us to use our darkest moments for His fame. When life hurts most, the world listens most intently to our message... allowing us to show through our pain the goodness of the One who loves us the most.

i'm not in the midst of a big storm or tragedy right now... i don't wanna say that i feel something coming cuz i could be wrong... but if trouble is coming my way, the Lord has sure been preparing me. i really do believe there is beauty in the midst of suffering. when we suffer, we are closest to Christ... and that is exactly where i want to be.

me and my friend amanda have worn this video out watching it. the song is incredible and so is the story behind it.