Meghan Says...

I like matches best

2011-12-14T14:13:00.000-08:00

I’m not one for kindles… old books smell too good.

I use lighters but I like matches best.

Post offices… post offices. Maybe it’s the stamps that get me.

I still use spiral notebooks.

Libraries, sometimes I go in just to walk

Up and down, up and down

the stacks.

G, C, E, D.. that’s all I seem to play.

Coffee and cream please,

Some days I like sugar.

Signs and wonders woo me... but times that brand me

Are the simple ones with you.

South Asia Trip Postponed

2011-12-14T14:12:00.000-08:00

Hello Faithful Friends, Family and Supporters!

Starting this summer, God had begun to give us vision for what He wanted to do in the South Asian nation. Over the last several months, He has continued to give us a lot of specifics about what a trip would look like.. the unreached people groups to go to, the areas to visit, the importance of follow-up with our students/friends there, etc.

As you know, over the last several months, we have been preparing and working hard to send a team this January. We have put all our faith toward this trip... trusting that if this is not the time then God would make that clear. We have continued to come to Papa God throughout the whole planning process and surrender this trip to Him. I am so amazed at our team and everyone involved in the way each person has been open-handed to whatever God wants to do. All we want is God and His ways!

The last week, we spent a lot of time in prayer and talking with spiritual mentors. And as of a few days ago, we feel that God has indeed made it clear that now is not the time to go on this trip.

Our team still feels strongly about going back to this nation. However, we feel at this point that now is not the time, therefore the trip to South Asia will not proceed this January.

Melissa Scott will be in touch with those of you who gave financially.

I want to thank you, dear friends and fam, for all your support already in prayer and financially for our trip to South Asia. Thank you for sticking by us and partnering with us to see the people of this nation know our beautiful Jesus! Throughout the last few months, my heart for this nation and its people has only grown bigger and bigger. I know that God is in love with His people there, and He wants to see this nation come to Him! And I so appreciate your support in that effort!

I love you all! Please feel free to contact me with any questions!

Meghan

To South Asia!

2011-11-16T14:56:00.000-08:00

A team of myself and 6 others from the Austin family are headed to South Asia in January. God spoke to my friend Lauren Nanson in 2009 about a small unreached nation near India and Nepal. We had vision to go into this nation and plant churches among the unreached peoples of this nation. We have made 2 trips since 2009 to the region. The first trip was a preparatory trip, where Papa set us up with divine connections in the region. On the second trip, we did a Student CPx with 41 students from this nation.. equipping them in church-planting. Both trips were crucial, BUT we have yet to set foot in this nation. This 3rd trip is finally the time for us to see the original vision God gave us realized!

This January, we will be meeting up with the students we trained last year in their nation this time! Then we will take students with us and go into villages... to the unreached! We will be focusing on discipling the students along the way, so that they can follow up with these villages and live a lifestyle of the discipling others!

We long with Papa's heart for the peoples of this Buddhist nation to know Jesus!!

I am telling you this to ask you to please consider partnering with us financially and/or in prayer. Because of the $250 per day visa cost, this trip is unusually expensive. But we are putting our faith in Papa! Our goal for raising the funds is Nov 25, next Friday.

If you would like to pay online, you can go to http://www.intentionalgatherings.com/blog/donategive/ (click "SE Asia team" from the drop down menu)

If you would like to pay by check, make checks out to Intentional Gatherings and send to:

Intentional Gatherings

7211 Bethune Ave.

Austin, TX. 78752

If you would like to pray for us, please email me and let me know.

Check out this video. Three of us share about our trip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hRgq7BBtO4&feature=player_embedded

It's not a mirage..

2011-09-20T07:19:00.001-07:00

It's not a mirage..
this open-armed Man.
Walk up to Him..
you'll see.
But you can't receive
unless you believe.
It's a guarantee
when you believe.
Walk up to Him.
Faith isn't faith
unless there's movement.
Friendship & enjoyment
He did the bloodwork for it.
But He's not going to force it.

When you're ready...
the paperwork's been filled out.
There's nothing you can do
but say OK.
Say Yes,
say Yes!
Uninterrupted friendship
enjoyment never ends
with this friend.
The worst of days He's had too.
You'll never be alone.
And wise He is,
He knows just what to do.

in the hammock...

2011-05-18T21:28:00.000-07:00

here I sit, or here I lay rather...
in the hammock.
my last evening here for a while.
i remember
i've found myself here, alone, a few times before...

one time, many months ago..
with many tears, crying
a bad cry, as my friends would call it
feeling "so utterly alone"...
maybe a bit dramatic..
nonetheless
unsure of what to do with the pain
from relationship wounds that seeped..
relationships with those
who lived inside the little white adobe beside me.
so unsure of where to go.

in the hammock
another time, a little later
laughing, belly laughing in fact.
enjoying every living thing around me,
my heart so full of love for these friends of mine
my mind so forgetful of the gloom
and my soul full of excitement for adventures ahead.

in the hammock
now I am yet again
not sure what to think.
knowing that what has been
will not be again...
in quite the same way at least.
reality setting in
like the setting of mr. sun..
2 dear friends will be gone
from this white residence when I return "home".
that's alright though,
i'll see them again soon i'm sure of it.

truly,
my heart is full as I lay.
life here has been like a dream,
oh a wonderful dream
some days, yes a nightmare...
but only some days.
and those are days i mostly forget
because of the goodness of the good days,
the great days...
days full of music, laughter, dancing, shouting,
and hugging...
always hugging.
the hugs never seem to stop here.
4 in 1 room and you think we'd get tired.
ha!

life in the kingdom is not quite the same,
as life elsewhere.
in a kingdom house,
let's call it a house on king st.,
the impossible is always possible
and the hard stuff is always overcome
and love always wins.
love always wins..
yes, there's one i know now..
deep deep deep inside this little heart of mine.
still going deeper of course.

sometimes i wish things are as they were,
but then i see things as they are
and what they are becoming
and i say
OK!

greater things to come
i do believe it.
in fact, i know it.
greater,
not because they're better than today
per se,
but because tomorrow is a new today
and that's where i like be.
in the present
in His presence,
and when i can,
in the hammock.

Summer in KC Inner-city

2011-04-11T13:43:00.000-07:00

Dear friends!

My heart is leaping in my chest as I write this! Those of you who know me well know how much my heart beats for the African American community and for "the hood" of America. Life in Austin and at UT has been and continues to be nothing short of incredible!!! But I have not felt an outlet here for this particular burning desire in my heart for the Black community and for restoration to inner-city areas.

God loves to give us the desires of hearts in His perfect timing. Over the last month, God opened the doors for me to spend my summer in one of the roughest neighborhoods in Kansas City, MO. I will be moving in with 2 of my dear friends, Linsday Ellyson and Myles Hamby. I met both of them through the Student Church family over the past year. God has been moving in their neighborhood. They have seen many folks getting touched and transformed by God's love, and they are believing for the transformation of their hood this summer! They have invited me to join in on this, and God has orchestrated so many details to allow to me to go.

What exactly I will be doing this summer looks a little bit like this:

Kansas City Summer Internship - I will be helping Lindsay and Myles put on an internship for high school/college-age students, training them to make disciples/plant simple churches/live as family in our KC neighborhood. (*If this sounds of interest to you, check it out and consider joining!)
While I will be helping train these interns, I will also get the opportunity to do an internship myself through Student Church with Erik Fish, one of the national elders in the Student Church Movement. The internship will be geared toward my ministry in the neighborhood, and will also include mentorship with Erik.
As a part of my internship with Erik, I will be leading/helping with several SCPx trainings for the summer. One will be in Oklahoma on the OSU campus on June 10-15. I will also be doing a Kansas City SCPx June 26-July 5, and possibly a few others around the nation. Our interns will also get the opportunity to be trained and equipped to lead as they go through these SCPx's.
Most importantly, this summer will be filled with pursuing Jesus along side friends and sharing the love of Jesus with others!!

If you all would like to know more or support me, you can email me at megstricko@yahoo.com.

Our first love..

2010-11-15T15:16:00.000-08:00

God has really shaped our community here in Austin this semester. In the aftermath of SCPx Austin this summer, our spiritual family so desired to see new communities like ours birth! We wanted more than just one student house church... we wanted the love to spread. And it finally felt like the time had come. We felt as if we were all equipped to GO and do it.

So we made some changes and started the semester with a strong "sent out" mentality. As one of the shepherds, I really tried to steer things the "right way", always pounding home the apostolic mission any time we would meet together as a family. We deeply desired to see new disciples, more miracles, new churches, more baptisms, and all of these glorious things that Jesus has set out for all of His kids to take part in.

Over the course of the semester, however Jesus began to bring our family back to His heart. It was as if we were the church in Ephesus and we had received a letter from Jesus commending us for our hard work, but reminding us of the true prize, namely Him.

"I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance... You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary. Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first." Revelation 2:2-4.

After a good and somewhat messy family chat, our hearts began to join together to love Jesus and love each other. Revelation of the Gospel began to hit us deep (and has been ever since). It has brought true freedom, individual heart healing, refinement, closer family bonds... and funny enough, the sprouting up of new communities, new disciples, and powerful moves of the Spirit.

I have watched students at UT this semester "get it" by no convincing/teaching, but simply because they are encountering God. I have been humbled hearing of students encountering Holy Spirit within their own sphere of influence without ever even setting foot there to "make it happen". I have been humbled witnessing friends (never going through a day of formal church planting training) get God's heart and "strategy" (better known as LOVE) for the lost.

Don't hear me wrong... I believe in training. My heart longs to see new disciples made and new churches planted. I get so excited talking about how God is moving on college campuses... how new communities of faith are birthing! I celebrate and laugh when I witness or hear about signs, wonders, and miracles happening each day. I love everything Student Church and SCPx is about. I love equipping others to do the same.

But as much as these beautiful things make me giddy and excited... I have come to realize more than ever that it is Jesus is who truly makes me come alive! It seems like such a blatant truth, for He is the author of life indeed. But it is the one truth that the enemy is so threatened by if the family of God GETS IT.. that he will do anything to twist the focus.

I am at such peace now knowing that our family has its eyes on our first love. I am confident that He is taking care of everything else... and that HE is the one building His church.

Our family is not defined by the fact that we do "house church" or "simple church". Or that we heal the sick and cast out demons. Or that we multiply, multiply, multiply. Our family is defined by our absolute infatuation with our first love. And Holy Spirit seems to lead the rest! :)

Also, posted this on www.studentchurch.org. Great place to stay connected with other student church planters. http://bit.ly/cYUlIz

Dead to sin. Alive to God.

2010-08-19T13:15:00.000-07:00

I love getting to know the heart of the Father. I have been hit afresh with some sweet truths over the past several months as God has been speaking the truth about who I am in Him...

I read John 3 today and realized this... that it was never in God's heart to condemn us. John 3:17 says "God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him."

Or in the words of Eugene Peterson in The Message, "God didn't go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again. Anyone who trusts in him is acquitted".

Condemnation, accusation.. these are not words of our God. In fact, these words are usually played out by his enemy, "the accuser of our brothers" as John calls him in Revelation.

This truth has led me down a journey of reconsidering how I see myself and how I see others. Do I consider myself in the same way that my Father does? And do I consider others as He does? If Jesus really came not to tell us how depraved we are, but to give us life... how well am I following Jesus in speaking life over myself and others?

Romans 6:11 says "So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus." Dead to sin. Alive to God.

Does the church really believe this? For a while, I did not. I did not consider myself in this way. In fact, I considered myself very much ALIVE to sin. I would talk about sin as if it were my identity. "I'm a control freak... I'm a people pleaser... I'm an idolater..." I would drown people with talk of my unworthiness, my depraved nature, my ikky motives, my desperately wicked heart... certainly never being so proud to consider myself dead to sin.. or born of God, not of the flesh (John 1). I was very humble indeed.

Ha, or not so humble. If humility was wallowing at the feet of the cross in my sins (which in fact was never believing the fullness of the Gospel and the completed work of Jesus in His ressurection)... then the sinless Jesus was not humble at all. But Jesus Christ never sinned and few would argue with the truth that He was the most humble man to ever live. My humility was indeed false. The scary thing is I thought the more I wallowed and came to grips with the depths of my wickedness, the more I would believe the Gospel. After a year of that, I realized that the more I wallowed and mined for new idols in my heart.. the more in bondage I remained.

I heard a friend share something the other day that shed more light on this for me. He was sharing about how we should love one another.. seeing each other through God's eyes.. really calling out our identity as sons and daughters in each other. He shared a verse from one my favorite chapters in scripture, 2 Corinthians 5. It was verse 16, which says: "From now on, therefore,^A)"> we regard no one according to the flesh..." The chapter goes on to talk about how we are new creations in Christ.

I realized this is the very lens of Christ. He does not regard us according to the flesh. He calls us as new creations. The word of Jesus is powerful... by calling us new creations, we ARE new creations. The fact may be that we still believe lies at times and fall into temptation. But the TRUTH is that we are who Christ says we are... we are not born of the flesh any longer. We have been reborn (John 3). We are born of God.. now innocent children of God. (John 1) Sin is no longer who I am.

(This changes the culture of confession altogether.. for confession is no longer "Darn, there I go again with my people-pleasing ways, sorry God..." but instead "I am not a people-pleaser. I know my identity and my approval is in God. I come out of agreement with the lie that I need man's approval. I confess and repent and believe the Gospel.")

So not only do I now "consider myself dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus" (Paul's charge to the Romans)... but I consider by brother or sister as the saint that he/she is. I call out the gold in them. I speak life over them, not death. Jesus did not come to the earth to tell us how bad and depraved we are... he came to set us free, he came to save us, he came to take us back to innocence.

It all started with a tree.. and from that moment man was bent toward sin and under a curse. BUT God so loved the world.. that He sent his own son to reverse the curse of that tree by dying on one. Thus straightening out the bent of His kids.. and returning them to innocence... and giving them back the keys of the Kingdom and the dominion of the earth that they so long ago gave away to the enemy.

With these things I mind... I have been praying and dreaming:

What if the children of God began to truly believe who they really are?
What if the church as a whole began to walk as a confident band of saints, instead of a people obsessed with their sins that Jesus already paid for?
What if the people of God began to call out the identity and the destiny in one another?
What if we stopped trying to understand the depths of the depravity of our "old man" and instead walk as people who have "been set free from sin"(Romans 6:6-7)?
What if we spoke so much TRUTH over one another that it began to become a reality... that we are indeed dead to sin and alive to God?
What if those who believe in His name stopped believing that they are too unworthy of the authority to which they have been charged to exercise (Matt 10:1, Luke 9:1, Mark 16:15-18)?
What would happen if the Body of Christ shook off the self-imposed chains that are not even locked and walked in the power of the Resurrection?
What if the Church stopped "glorying in their shame" (which Paul would suggest, makes us "enemies of the Cross of Christ").. and instead walked as "citizens of heaven" (Phil 3)?

Arise Church. Know who you are. Believe the Gospel. Obey His commands. Do greater things than He.

Why I love SCPx...

2010-06-21T08:02:00.000-07:00

Last August I went through a 10-day training called SCPx, Student Church Planting Experience. It was unlike anything I had ever experienced, and Jesus completely rocked my life during it. If you are college student, I strongly encourage you to look into this training. It is one the best things I ever did.

Why I love SCPx...

SCPx is a hands-on training, not a conference.-- I have been to many conferences. It seems that most end with a sore butt from sitting for 3 days straight and a headache from the information overload. Consumption, not always followed by action. At SCPx, you experience interactive teaching every morning and then immediately you are "sent out" into the city or campus to apply it that day! Fruit is seen instantly. No better way to learn than to trust the Holy Spirit and get your hands dirty.
SCPx feels like family-- Usually anywhere from 15-40 students go through SCPx. It is not large scale. You can imagine the deep relationships that are formed over 10 days of living, eating, praying, and loving people together. The SCPx I attended last year in Austin birthed a community that has felt more like family as we have continued to live out church over the past year. I have never felt closer to the church in Acts.
SCPx is not just about the campus, but the nations.-- After SCPx, I saw disciples made, new believers, baptisms, simple church lived out, and signs and wonders on the UT campus. But God also broke my heart deeply for the nations. Because of the church planting training I received at SCPx, I felt equipped and empowered to go to South Asia in January of this year. Now, some of the other SCPx "grads" and I will return there to train young people in the same way to reach their country!
SCPx fosters an atmosphere of freedom.-- God showed His power by healing me physically and setting me free of a life-long battle of allergies and asthma during those 10 days. Also, many bondages and sin struggles I had carried for a year were broken off of me at SCPx. This is because, more than church planting curriculum, SCPx is about knowing how much God loves us and our identity in Him. Then we were freed to love people radically. I have heard many SCPx "grads" say it was as if they received "permission" to live in freedom and walk in radical obedience.
SCPx is a challenge.-- This is the disclaimer I give to students interested in SCPx... this training will challenge you. It will challenge you physically. It will stretch you. It will cause you to trust the Holy Spirit in a way you have never done before. It will put you completely out of your comfort zone at times. It will probably challenge your theology at some point. It will confront your ideas of what "church" is. It will wreck you out in all the best ways possible. It will push you closer to Jesus and others. If your experience is anything like mine, it will be the best challenge of your life.

Check out this site for more info, or go to studentcpx.org for info and the registration application!

For all the Austinites, SCPx Austin is August 6-15. Registration is filling up and there are limited spots, so apply soon.

Back on the blog scene...

2010-06-21T07:57:00.000-07:00

I've told several people I would get at this blog game again...
so here we go.

Look out for Jesus stories, recaps from the past year of my life, original thoughts, encouragement and more. :)

Blessings,
Meghan

atx, i love you.

2009-01-16T07:34:00.000-08:00

so i'm back in atx. and austin never looked so beautiful. maybe one day i'll get tired of this city... but right now, i love every inch of it. it just makes me smile being here. (sorry friends, i know you get sick of hearing me). jesus definitely gave me a heart for this city... and for my campus.

god has some serious business in the works for me and some friends to jump into. and i'm so ready. i've been waiting all break for some sense of direction... as to where i should filter my heart for UT and this city. and its coming.

not sure yet what his plan will exactly look like.

it will involve a progression with girls on our hall of the house church he so graciously allowed us to "start" last semester. we want to really grasp community and missional living.

it will also involve hanging out with non-believers... not 'to convert', but because i have so much to learn and i need it and they are people.

it may involve me working with a non-profit to reach this city and meet the needs of the poor.

it may involve something crazy that jesus throws at me...

i'm ready.

turkey and grace.

2009-01-14T15:23:00.000-08:00

my good friend anne had me and a friend over for dinner and a movie a few nights ago.

she grew up in turkey

her parents were missionaries there for about 12 years

having house church...

and drinking turkish tea.

so we ate a legit turkish dinner.

complete with lentil soup

cucumber tomato salad

bread

rice

lamb

and later...

tea and tea cake.

take me to turkey.

then we watched the movie in which anne has been convinced that i will not be complete until i see it... amazing grace. i have to say, it definitely became one of my favorites. a beautiful film exhibiting the story of ending the slave trade in the british empire. an incredible look into the hard fight of a handful of revolutionaries fighting for social injustice... never relenting until change happens.

sweet quotes from the movie. go see it. if you've already seen it, go see it. again.

"no one of our age has ever taken power."

"which is why we're too young to realize certain things are impossible. which is why we will do them anyway."

"it seems to me, that if there is a bad taste in your mouth, you spit it out. you don't constantly swallow it back."

"God sometimes does His work with gentle drizzle, not storms. drip. drip. drip."

"though i have lost my memory, two things i know. i am a great sinner and Christ is a great savior."

ouch.

2009-01-14T15:22:00.001-08:00

aunt slash babydaddy.

2009-01-12T21:36:00.000-08:00

kristian terrance breen was born at 5:44 p.m. on 1.12.08.

7 lbs 15.2 ounces.

a beautiful healthy baby.

with a strong incredible mother.

last night... me and kiley went to her restaurant of choice for her "last meal"...

el super taco off royal and harry hines is where we ended up.

one of those genuine mexican food restaurants where you actually have to order in spanish and where they sell perfume at the register (still not sure...).

we drove around afterwards, having our usual fun...

then, "where are we going?"

'oh yea... the baby.'

so off to the hospital we went.

we checked in

and got settled.

they started the iv and plugged her up to the monitor

and the inducing began.

i stayed most the night... then crashed at a friend's nearby in oak cliff.

i came this morning... she was progressing slowly... more contractions... more dilation...

details spared.

later...

water broke (although we didnt even know, because of the epidural).

and finally, time to push.

i stepped out... and the doc came out about 45 minutes later

and i came back in the room to my girl with her child in her arms...

i'm still freaked out by the whole miracle of it all.

i got to hold kristian briefly before they had to take him.

one of the most beautiful experiences of my life...

finally holding the child i prayed everyday for since conception basically.

kiley's mom tells him that i'm 'aunt meghan'.

kiley tells him that i'm her babydaddy.

i'm honored to simply play a roll in the life of this precious child.

i will do anything for this boy and his mom.

to the strongest mother i know...

kiley, you are a champ.

some days it's hard to see...

2009-01-10T14:48:00.000-08:00

i spent most of my morning and afternoon at mercy house...

a homeless outreach ministry, but more than that

my family.

there isn't a time i go that i don't encounter jesus.

today i met jesus in the face of a man named kevin...

kevin is one of many black middle-aged homeless men in dallas. but this man isn't just homeless, experiencing all the struggles that come along with being poor. this man also has cancer. he just recently had surgery to remove the cancer in his stomach. and he now has a feeding tube that is taped to his stomach under his shirt. he gets nourishment by pumping food himself directly into his belly... and by eating very soft foods like mashed potatoes or soup (not easy to come by considering there is only so many options at the shelters). he is in constant pain from his stomach. but this man also has cancer. yes again. kevin has cancer in his mouth. he can only talk for about ten seconds before he has to pause and let the pain in the right side of his mouth subside.

you may not know from looking at kevin that he was suffering. he holds himself up very strongly. but if you watch him, you can see the strain it takes for him to simply walk to the next room. or the way he squeezes his eyes shut when a sharp stomach pain comes on. or the exhausted expression you feel when you look him directly in the eyes.

as i talked with kevin today, he told me he couldnt find a word to describe what he was feeling. his mom died years ago to cancer at 47. kevin is 45. almost all of his family has died from cancer as well. but it isnt really the physical pain that hurts. the emotional strain is almost unbearable. he had to quit his job because he literally cannot work. so now he was to beg for money to get a bus ticket to his appointments. he doesnt have the $14 it takes to fill his prescription for his pain medication. he has to wait patiently on a list to get the medical assistance he desperately needs right now. he tells me of the countless nights he goes to bed hungry because 'the bridge' didnt have anything soft for him to eat that day. he has lost an unbelievable amount of weight. he is constantly dehydrated.

and as he tells me this... i know this isnt a pity party. its a deep deep hurt... that like the cancer itself, literally is infecting his life and plauging him. at one point, the pain is too much, and he begins to sob. all i can do muster an "i'm sorry" and hand him a napkin. i watch his pain, and i wish so badly i could take some of it. i wish i could think of some sort of encouragement. because no "everything happens for a reason" is going to help this one. this is real nasty hardcore job-like junk.

so i let god talk... whatever that means. and i tell kevin what an encouragement he is to me. because throughout our whole conversation he continues to say that he knows the lord has a plan.. and that he has a purpose for his life... and that he is a living testimony. and kevin praises god... with the very mouth that is infected with cancer. this is a very spiritual battle. kevin goes on to tell how good the lord is. and he begins to smile and laugh. and he tells me one of the most beautiful definitions of love i've ever heard..

he said love is:

an unconditional

self-sacrificing

commitment to the truth.

and thats the best gift ever,

thats what keeps him going.

kevin doesnt just have cancer in his mouth and stomach. it is spiritual warfare. satan literally wants to shut this man up. and he literally wants to stop him from getting physically and spiritually fed. and kevin is not going to stop.

kevin will forever be an encouragement to me. he told me to always remember him... when i am at my lowest of the lowest point in life... to think of him and be encouraged. and you better believe i will.

tonight my spirit grieves for my brother.. as i know he is out on the streets on this cold night... holding his stomach with one hand... and his mouth with the other... waiting for the darkness to turn to daylight again... crying inside because the tears are just all dried up...

all the while praising sweet jesus for another day to be a soldier for his namesake.

i like lewis.

2009-01-07T22:03:00.000-08:00

"we learn, on the one hand, that we cannot trust ourselves even in our best moments, and, on the other, that we need not despair even in our worst, for our failures are forgiven. the only fatal thing is to sit down content with anything less than perfection." -c.s. lewis

as i long...

2009-01-05T22:44:00.000-08:00

how i long for the day

in which you will betroth me to you forever.

an ache is the state of my soul

now, aching.

i need more of you.

this is why i reach for you

with everything in my being.

i long to touch the lines on your face

and hear your voice

and smell your glory

and be hugged by you.

all the while,

as i long...

i jump with my feet

i escape with my mind.

i scream with my gut.

i utter with my soul.

i search with my arms.

crying heartily righteously inwardly shouting testimonies

of the grace and mercy of

jesus christ

discipline and power.

2009-01-03T22:31:00.000-08:00

so there's this balance.

and i'm beginning to discover more and more the beauty of this balance...

the harmony that God meant for us to experience when it comes to our walk with him.

the problem is...

we so often err to one side

and we miss it.

i've been on both ends and i still struggle with tipping one way or the other constantly.

one side looks like this:

religion

often when i'm in religion mode... i think my walk has to be all about discipline, self-effort, strenuous moral striving to please God... this usually turns me into the prideful legalist or the self-loathing failure. it is exhausting and unfulfilling. i end up turning God into a formula rather than my Father... and Jesus into an equation rather than my lover. and i turn into a judge. and all the fun gets sucked out of everything.

the other side looks like this:

passivity

at certain times in my walk i fall into complacency. i just get into a slump. i sort of just blow off God... and usually i use the excuse that i'm waiting on Him to do something. i'm just sitting around... all the while, dying. there is no seeking. there is no dealing with icky sin. i become idle... and i put a halt to anything God would use me for or do in my life. i lose communication with Him. life becomes hollow.

now i don't want it to sound like i'm saying that the gospel is compromise. because it is not. the gospel is something completely different and in and of itself.

but in our walk, there are aspects of both of these completely wrong means, used in the proper context, that are required to press us toward godliness and into the jesus.

discipline is one. we have to be obedient to his commands to get more of jesus.

waiting on the Lord is the other. we need his power because without it, absolutely nothing can happen.

romans 1:7 says we are called to be saints.

ephesians 1:4 says we were chosen to be holy and blameless before him.

ephesians 4:1 says we are to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which we have been called.

this "walk"... our journey with jesus from the point we fall in love with him till the day we die... is to become godly. and it takes some trying on our part. the few truly godly people i know, didn't just get lucky and wake up godly. they know scripture. they pray. a lot. they disciple. they deal with sin head on. they fall more in love with Him everyday. but this process toward godliness also takes God's hand. becoming "God-like" obviously takes some serious molding from the creator. our efforts are a measly reach without His power... but with Him, he can take our discipline and create a man or woman that is constantly in the operation of being perfected and sanctified.

we are already declared righteous.

now we get to spend the rest of our days

"walking in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called."

ano nuevo.

2009-01-01T09:52:00.000-08:00

new years day.

fresh start.

blank slate.

turning to a new page.

goals.

new commitments.

a re-do.

do over.

try again.

january 1.

its a big day for americans i guess.

it's 2009 let's do this!!

all this enthusiasm.

i heard a lady on the radio last night say that she was gonna make some hardcore new years' resolutions... and she was gonna make sure she watched oprah first... so i guess she could get REAL motivated.

then this morning, my brother bust in the front door "HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! I AM NO LONGER A SMOKER. THAT'S RIGHT I'M NOT A SMOKER ANYMORE... STARTING TODAY! I CAN DO THIS!" he was smiling from ear to ear. which makes my heart rejoice. i'm very excited for him. he said he already gave away his whole pack. and he is chomping away on the nicotine gum. its awesome. and everything within me prays this time will be for real.

i just wonder though... why january 1?

i mean isn't this the gift of grace...

a re-do

forgiveness

fresh start

everyday.

his mercies never come to an end, they are new every morning.

if we live by grace...

everyday is another chance to break chains

to be set free.

cause see, we all know there is this slight loop hole with resolutions.

they dont work.

we can't do it.

we need help.

if we would only admit this and swallow our pride.

grace is what we need.

the beauty of the christian faith is this paradox.

this idea that we are declared as righteous when we accept grace...

we get a new identity. we become saints.

but we are still screwed up... we still fall short of our "new year's resolutions".

simul iustus et peccator.

so we trust in jesus in our flesh...

and as we fall more and more in love with him

we are progressively sanctified

advancing toward godliness

gradually becoming the name we have already been given

righteous.

i pray we start each day knowing in our hearts

believing in our being

and living in the assurance that

we are accepted.

"looking outward in faith and claiming the wholly alien righteousness of Christ as the only ground for acceptance, relaxing in that quality of trust which will produce increasing sanctification as faith is active in love and gratitude..."

-Richard F. Lovelace

words can never say the way he says my name.

2008-12-31T16:02:00.000-08:00

i go through phases with the way i see jesus.

i guess depending on what i'm studying in his word... what music i'm into at the time... what situation in life i'm in...

all determines which characteristic of christ i really focus in on at the time.

lately,

i've really been looking at jesus as a lover.

like an intimacy.

i love these scriptures in isaiah...

"i will greatly rejoice in the Lord;

my soul shall exult in my God, for he has closed me with the garments of salvation;

he has covered me with the robe of righteousness,

as bridegroom decks himself like a priest with a beautiful headdress,

and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels."

isaiah 61.10

"for as a young man marries a young woman,

so shall your sons (and daughters) marry you,

and as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride,

so shall your God rejoice over you."

isaiah 62.5

this song displays my affections for jesus and his affections for me.

**side note: i am not promoting "jesus culture" here, although i do think kim walker can sing it up... this song was actually written by sarah mcmillan, wife of john mark mcmillan who wrote "how he loves".

words can never say

the way he says my name

he calls me lovely.

+ and -

2008-12-30T22:11:00.000-08:00

being home definitely has its pros and cons.

sometimes i'm happy being back in garland, tx...

on the other hand,

many times i'm pretty much ready to be back in austin.

let's do a little plus and minus shall we...

things i like about home.

lifetime fitness gym... i miss my barbell class and all the other perks that come with the uppity fitness center.
silence
free food
springcreek
a kitchen to cook in
the back patio
my best friends in the world
cafe brazil
mercy house
gooey's frozen yogurt
the village
my family
catching up with old friends

things i don't like about being home.

i am allergic to garland... or my dog.
the immense lack of cool coffeeshops
having to have the conservation with every 1 in 3 people i run into about why i'm not playing ball
the boredom that comes with the comfort of suburbia
having to drive everywhere
missing my friends/community in austin
holiday family-wide sickness
waiting
my room
run-ins with awkward people

its good to be home...

in garland that is.

but i'm getting ready to go back to austin...

which i often find myself calling home too.

ps. go see "slumdog millionare".

a year in the life.

2008-12-28T11:29:00.000-08:00

i've been looking back on the year of 2008 in the life of meghan strickland. its interesting seeing where i was in january 2008... can't believe that was only a year ago.

i think i have learned more this year than any previous year.

i feel like paraphrasing my year list style.

i really began to learn what true godly relationships/dating look like.
i experienced a new level of closeness and intimacy with the Father... beginning with hearing Him say "you are my child"... a moment i will forever cherish with Him.
i found Mercy House in dallas... a homeless outreach ministry. a group of people i now consider family. jesus changed my life in that place and through those people.
jesus softened my heart... and i felt brokeness in a way i never had... for the lost and the oppressed.
i went through a horrible exhausting time of legalism... but was reintroduced to GRACE. and it was all the more beautiful.
i faced one of the most difficult events of my life... one of those "is this really happening?" moments. i felt betrayed. i felt shock. i felt anger. i felt bitterness. i felt sadness. i felt confused. i got really mad... at a lot of people.

but then redemption. healing. reconciliation. to god. and to others. for many. i forgave. i was forgiven. i felt peace. i witnessed God do what he does best... making beauty out of the mess.

i grew. a lot. and i am freed from bitterness. and i am grateful that jesus let me fall on my face and feel my desperate desperate need for Him.

7. i went to Kenya. (and from this i could write a book) in short, jesus rocked my face off. africa forever has one of the pieces of my heart that broke off when my world shattered there... in a good way. i only hope to one day return to my brothers and sisters there... the people who taught me more in two weeks than i've learned in years.

8. i went through a rough stage with america. i got pissed. i was sick... at the culture, war, politics, "the american church", materialism, suburbia, rich people, consumerism, complacency... i was sick. full of cynicism and dare i say, hatred. i refused to say the pledge. i got frustrated hearing about soldiers. i got angry when i saw the american flag in churches. i argued with friends and others. and i turned into a self-righteous judge. and i thought this was the third way... the way of jesus. but i was adopting my own way... and it lacked love.

i'm thankful to say jesus convicted me. and he freed me. i have a new understanding. one that is not satisfied with the way things are... but one that allows me to love those that are hard for me to love... one that allows me to vote... one that allows me to be grateful for my country (although i'd rather not live here forever :) )

9. i graduated high school... a long-awaited day.

10. i moved to atx... and started my first semester of college.

11. met beautiful friends and found an incredible body of believers

12. watched god's transforming power as my previously atheist roommate fell absolutely in love with jesus christ.

13. felt confirmation on god's calling on my life... to be, in some way, shape, or form, with the physically poor. (still patiently waiting on specifics)

14. made a 4.0 in my first semester of college.

bring it 2009.

roots and reflection.

2008-12-28T09:46:00.000-08:00

reflection.

this is a discipline i need to practice more regularly.

i like to be doing something. i like to get things done.

i like to get through a stack of books and say DONE.

i like feeling accomplished. who doesnt?

but what good is it really, if i get a lot "done" but dont let it touch my heart.

reminds me of high school... get work done, do what i need to do to get the A...

now if you ask me one thing about calculus.. no clue.

so i need to slow down... breathe... take things in... reflect.

if i listen to teaching... reflect.

if i read a book... reflect.

if i study scripture... reflect.

if i have good conversation with a friend... reflect.

if i do life for a semester... reflect.

easier said than done though.

reflection can be hard. we forget things.

it can also be messy. those burdens we've shoved to that dark corners of our hearts. those sins in our lives that we just cant shake. those moments of absolute failure. reflection causes those ugly things to flood back into the very front stage of our minds... vivid and clear as ever.

messy...

but when god takes a humble step into the cesspool of our filth... what is always birthed forth from our mess is beauty.

but this process of beautification... this progressive sanctifying... begins with reflection.

and it begins at the root.

if we don't start at the root... we will live forever in the endless cycle of bondage. we will time after time fall on our face exhausted as our sin continues to drag us by the ankle through mud. our spirit will die because no amount of extensive moral striving can fix the mess. we will lose hope... in our selves and in God.

we have to begin at the root. that means we have to roll up our sleeve and dig. we have to come to grips with the source of the junk in our lives. otherwise the manifestations will always linger.

i've got junk.

so i'm reflecting.

and letting the maker put his gloves on and uproot these evils in my heart that were never meant to be there... and allowing him to further the sanctification only He can do in me... so that one day i can proclaim victory over sin. all the while, in the process, leaving holes in my heart where these idols are uprooted... holes that will be filled with His love... until my every vein and artery pumps with the blood of jesus... the very blood that saves my life.

the gospel.

2008-12-27T12:19:00.000-08:00

matt chandler layed out what the gospel is the other day... so i just want to share it.

the triune god (three persons in one: father, spirit, son),

in perfect harmony

and out of an overflow of love,

birthed forth creation (all other creation narratives believe that the universe was birthed in angst out of a power struggle between gods)

and god creates everything to have a higher purpose,

everything is meant to create gratitude that flows out of our hearts into worship for his name (food we eat, marriage, sex, wine…).

but sin enters into the world and fractures creation and our relationship with god (causing those things: food we eat, marriage, sex, wine… to terminate on themselves and become insatiable, losing their taste.).

THEN god, in his ferocious holy love,

comes as a man and lives perfectly… sinlessly until he is arrested, beaten, and murdered.

and in his crucifixion,

all the requirements of the law are fulfilled for those who would believe,

and all the wrath toward sinners is absorbed in jesus Christ.

he goes into the ground.

three days later, god raises him from the dead. (the resurrection is the objective evidence that the law is fulfilled and all the wrath of god is spent.)

so that, if we would believe and place our faith in Christ and him alone as the forgiver of our sins

and we would repent,

we would have full life here on earth

and eternal life in our perfect union with god.

THAT IS THE GOSPEL.

the curse.

2008-12-26T09:00:00.000-08:00

one of my favorite verses in scripture is:

he made him who knew no sin to become sin on our behalf,

that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.

2 corinthians 5:21

but i've recently seen this scripture from a different angle.

the part that says that he made him... become sin.

he became sin.

jesus in his holiness, became sin.

jesus in his righteousness, became sin.

jesus, god in the flesh, became sin.

this is really hard for me.

no matter how hard i wrinkle my forehead...

i just can't get this one.

what really got me thinking on this is galatains 3: 10-14

but specifically:

christ redeemed us from the curse of the law

by becoming a curse for us-

for it is written,

"cursed is everyone who is hanged on a tree."

galatians 3:13

pauls says he became sin.

then he says he became a curse.

why didn't paul just say

"jesus took our curse"

"jesus took our sin"

why did he have to BECOME these things.

i've always looked at jesus as a blessing...

which would be the opposite of a curse.

but then i think about jesus' words on the cross..

"ELI, ELI, LAMA SABACHTHANI?"

"MY GOD, MY GOD. WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?"

this is disturbing.

it's as if jesus is saying...

"dad, why have you turned your back on me?"

"father, why have you removed your blessing from me?"

i heard a sermon on this subject.

and the pastor said something that sounded horrific...

if one had been sleeping during the teaching this would have perked them right up.

so be prepared for this... take heed and look at it from it's very literal meaning.

because there, on the cross, on calvary's mountain, outside of jerusalem

GOD DAMNED JESUS.

and he

became

curse.

jesus became a curse for us.

he became something god hated.

because he loves us that much.

i still don't fully grasp this.

who knows if i ever will.

but i know this much...

that we can either bear the curse of God... the one we fully are under... the one we fully deserve

we can flee to the arms of the one who became the curse of God for us.

Joy to the world...

he comes to make his blessings flow...

far as the curse is found.

may my love reach you all.

2008-12-26T08:51:00.000-08:00

"dead man's will" by iron & wine and calexico... why have i never listened to this? beautiful. i often look at beautiful songs as fitting one of two categories: funeral or wedding. obviously this is the perfect funeral song. samuel bean is all i need.

an infant.

2008-12-24T20:35:00.000-08:00

i cant get over this image of the almighty holy God

coming to earth as an infant...

an infant.

i've been around my fair share of babies lately... boy, what a humble estate. they are completely helpless. they have to be fed. they suck their thumbs. they cry. they need help just to burp.

seriously, God in this form?

Couldn't He have brought Jesus to earth as a teenager at least? we dont even know anything really about his childhood... from the manger scene until we find him in the temple preaching at age twelve... nothing.

see, i always have these images of jesus as a servant in his humility... riding a donkey, washing feet, taking beatings, not speaking a word, dying an incredibly embarrassing death.

but how unbelievably humble is this picture of God coming as a baby.

jesus in diapers.

i think this just shows the characteristic of God in such a beautiful way.

fully human. fully god.

completely reliant. completely in control.

a child. a king.

a quiet birth. a change in history.

an infant. a savior.

the beginning of an end.

as will ferrell would say,

dear lord baby jesus.

it is the night of our dear savior's birth.

a funnel for this passion.

2008-12-22T10:36:00.000-08:00

i realize in this short time of rest... how much i need to write. not that i am any sort of gifted writer.. but more that its just one of those things i need to do... to keep my sanity. otherwise, i let life live me... i let ideas come in. then i forget. i get passionate about an organization, a ministry, a relationship, a focus, a path, a direction... then i quickly drop it and run to the next thing that twinkles and catches my eye. so i need focus. i need to stop. i need to breathe. i need to reflect. i need to consult. i need to think. i need to pray.

and so i write...

i am discouraged some.

i am a passionate person. i feel the lord has lit a burning fire in my soul... for the poor, the lowly, the oppressed,

for people (for we are all each of these things in some form).

recently though, i am afraid i've lost something in this righteous anger that moves me to passion and then to action. because it is the action part that i seem to be stuck at. and my question is how?

i've had a few of these discouraging moments over the past few months in austin. and god has given me reminders and confirmation of his calling on my life. he has given me opprotunities to see that i CAN help... that those whispers in my head telling me to quit trying, i'm just wasting my time, i can't do anything about this are from satan.

but i've come to a lull.

and this weekend i saw a good friend. i havent gotten to see him much since i moved to austin... but he is one of the most passionate jesus-loving guys i know. he has always encouraged me simply by the way he pursues people. we've done ministry together. we share the same heart for missions... locally and internationally. he has incredible gifts... one of which is film. he wants to spend his life making films for jesus... most likely capturing the stories of the oppressed to show the world. and he won't let anything stop him from doing kingdom work.

but this weekend... i've never seen the guy so low. he was discouraged beyond belief... frustrated and angry. he told me he feels like every door is slamming in his face. he set so many things aside to pursue this and its all falling a part. everyone he had on board to get something started has fallen off. he is alone. he is exhausted... in every sense of the word. he is stuck. he is confused and frustrated. and he is wondering what in the world the lord is doing. should he wait? even longer than he already has? is he pursuing the wrong thing? surely not.

this broke me. it broke me to see a guy with such zeal to do WHATEVER the lord asks of him, a guy with an "i dont care what the world thinks" attitude, a guy who's willing to be uncomfortable for jesus... it broke me to see my brother feeling so lost and so dead.

i had no words for him. how could i encourage him when i am asking the same question of the lord? even if i tried to give words... they are only mine. so we prayed. and we sat. and we shook our head. and we asked why. and we praised his name. and now we wait.

but do we wait? there is a time for this i know. but when is it a time to seek? when is it a time when god is waiting on US? do we not act because of "divine dismissal"? is that really what this is?

my friend is confused. he desperately needs the lord's guidance. and so do i. i hate feeling complacent. i feel like the time to act is now. to find what it is the lord would have me do for the next month, 6 months, a year, 4 years, my life... and pour all of this passion and emotion and anger and excitement and love completely and fully into every ounce of the road. to pour myself out for jesus christ and his people.

i just want to know

what that looks like...

a funnel.

help us savior.

psalm 9:18

2008-12-22T10:08:00.000-08:00

samson and margaret got food, clothes, furniture, and a COW...

that's my boy. he's a g.

these few things change the ontanyo's day to day life. these thing change their social status. these things change their income dramatically. these things change their morale. these things change their life.

thank you all HOPE supports. any money leftover from the trip went to a family... my family... our family on the other side of the globe.

merry christmas samson and margaret.

i miss you both.

nakupenda sana.

Boldness.

2008-10-19T18:26:00.000-07:00

Jesus is crazy... and i follow this crazy man. and i'm coming to realize my life has to look crazy too... that is if i'm really following him.

i've been really upset with myself lately... my lack of boldness to proclaim the Gospel is sickening. I have so many petty fears that I let get in the way of Jesus. And i wonder... why does this world have so much hold on me? such a frustrating idea because... it really.does.not.matter.

so i've been trying to kill this sin of mine... this scardy-cat syndrome... this o-ye-of-little-faith disease. this morning me and some friends on my hall went to the top of a beautiful mountain to watch the sunrise over austin. so majestic! we had some beautiful time with the lord.

we decided to rid ourselves of the sins and burdens that are weighing us down that we cannot seem to get out from under. so we wrote down whatever sin it was... ripped it up in a million pieces... and let the wind carry it off the side of that cliff. yes, cheesy.. clique.. i know. but beautiful indeed.... especially after reading psalm 103 which says God has removed our transgressions as far as the east is from the west.

so i threw away my fear. i surrendered to the Lord... i asked for a new strength and a new degree of boldness in my faith. crazy, radical, ridiculous action.

didnt take long for jc to go to work. i walked out of a coffee shop this afternoon and ran into a homeless friend of mine, tater'd. he usually forgets my name... so i'm known simply as the christian hippie traveler. (not sure about the traveler part but i'll claim it). we were talking on the drag in front of the square where the hippie vendors in austin sell all their jewlery and shirts. so we were pretty much in the midst of the busiest area right on the sidewalk... partially blocking the paths of everyone walking by.

so another homeless guy named jeffro came up... seemingly a little drunk. he asked me if i loved jesus... i told him yes... and he said he did too. then he asked me if i wanted to pray. i said yes and proceeded to get out of the middle of the street to pray for him. instead, jeffro grabbed taterd's hand and mine tight, squeezed his eyes shut, and began to pray like no body's business. he was shouting.... like intense prayer too... like GOD, WE REBUKE THE ENEMY. GET BEHIND US SATAN. LEAD US TO FISH FOR MEN. YOU ARE POWERFUL! this continued for probably 5 minutes... which in all honesty, felt like a lifetime considering people were bumping into us and making comments as they were walking by and jeffro was squeezing all the blood out of my hand.

moral of story---> God gave me an opportunity to be bold. in fact, He left me no choice. i was really self-conscious for the first minute or so. what are people saying? they probably think i'm crazy? jeffro is praying way too loud. he's probably disturbing people. his praying probably sounds scary! but once i realized that this public prayer with two homeless guys in the middle of austin, shouting, hand in hand, raising our arms, our eyes squeezed shut... was an answer to my prayer.

BOLDNESS.

UNDIGNIFIED.

"and what can i say

what can i do

but offer this heart

O God

completely

to You."

a pitiful fool.

2008-10-04T20:54:00.000-07:00

"If we have hoped in Christ in this life only, we are of all men most to be pitied."

1 Cor 15:19

The few moments when i actually grasp and experience the weight of this verse... i am shamed. if the resurection did not happen... would i be looked at as a poor, sad, pitiful soul that poured out all she had for Jesus and lived a life of absolute sold out commitment to the hope of the resurrection?

God has not stopped repeating this scripture in my ear. "Are you above all most to be pitied?" he says. or am i one that if Jesus did not raise again, wouldn't have that much evidence for anyone to feel sorry for me... cause i wasn't all that sold out anyway.

John Piper writes about this text. He talks about the way Paul lived a life worthy of being called a pitiable fool. And he goes on to discuss this life... a sold out life... one of self-sacrifice versus a lukewarm (church word) life... one of self-indulgence.

Throw down Piper:

"The incentive goes like this: I believe that deep down most of you, at your best and highest moments, dream of spending your lives in sacrificial love, not selfish indulgence. We dream of a life that's cutting edge and radical and risk-taking and different from the cautious, prudent, secure, self-enhancing life of middle-class America.

I know that there is another side to us and that we have other dreams that we are not very proud of. We dream of all the physical pleasures, all the material comforts, all the earthly securities, all the family delights, all the human esteem or fame that is possible to get in this life. And if that's all you dream about, then my point in this message is probably going to go in one ear and out the other.

But I think most of you have had those higher moments when you dream of spending your life in the service of some great cause that helps other people in spite of tremendous cost to you - a life of sacrificial love, not selfish indulgence."

i want to live radically.

i want to live with a reckless abandon.

i want to live the life of a pitiful fool if this jesus story isn't true.

and for the record... it is true. Jesus rose. for me. for you. and that is enough for me to want to be a pitiful fool for Him.

Jesus forgive me when i am so far from this.

drunk girl.

2008-09-17T08:00:00.000-07:00

so last night i was talking with some friends out on the street... and this girl walks up (well, more like skips up to us)... she has a huge smile on her face... and she just starts hugging and laying all over us... not to mention she has a lipstick kiss mark on her cheek! she then proceeds to tell us her name while she's hugging us a second time. by this time, i'm pretty convinced that she's drunk. she is just absolutely goofy happy. but when we inquire about the lipstick... she says "why not?!".. but then goes on to say that she just got back from her community group (some sort of group that gathers to talk about how incredible jesus is).... then i notice that she is wearing a cross around her neck. and suddenly it hits me... this girl isn't drunk on alcohol... shes drunk of JESUS!! joy is spilling out of her heart and overflowing onto us. and she simply cannot help it!

there's a name for what that girl was doing... WORSHIP. she was worshipping our Lord. i think we probably hugged 4 or 5 more times within those 5-10 minutes and i was bummed when she left... i had just encountered Jesus in that girl. it was beautiful. and encouraging as heck.

me and a friend had been talking about worship about an hour before our encounter with our new friend. we were discussing how worship is something you just cannot contain... worship is our response to what Jesus has done for us... a response. our actions should reflect this. we should lift our hands and stand on our tip toes because we want to get closer to Him. we should fall to our knees in awe of this Mighty God because we are so undeserving yet so loved. we should dance and sing and yell out joyously from the depths of our soul.

we should bear hug people we don't even know.

because jesus is that sweet.

"and the cry of my heart is to bring You praise

from the inside out, O my soul cries out Lord."

the center.

2008-08-22T14:22:00.000-07:00

Well i cannot believe the day has finally come... I am moving to Austin tomorrow morning. i am so excited to be thrown out of the comfortable normalcy of my life in Garland. Leaving beautiful friends and the support i have from them and accountability is no fun. But i have faith that my time with them has only been to strengthen my walk with the Lord for a time such as this. Thank you friends. I owe you my life.

I'm going to go ahead and write this... i pray it doesn't happen... but i need to write it as a reminder to myself. The temptation in a place like Austin... for me at least... is not the parties or craziness or blatant sin... but it's a matter of motives. Getting caught up in the "cool factor", as lame as that sounds. It is feeding the homeless because it's what any cool bohemian austin hippie would do. It's going to a church because they do trendy things. It's sacrificing time with my precious Jesus to read a book (maybe even a "christian" book :o). It's wearing clothes with a peace sign on it because that's what everyone wears.

All these things are not necessarily "bad"... but the reason for doing them is NOT Jesus. O the tricky ways of the enemy. I am about to be thrown into a battle. I must be aware and ready. I must not let these backward motives sneak in. It must always be about Christ.

Jesus at the center

of it all.

oh how he loves us.

2008-08-04T18:04:00.000-07:00

i've been in love with this song... and i just heard the story behind it... it's incredible.

Praise of Men.

2008-08-03T10:10:00.000-07:00

"Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven. Thus when you give to the needy, sound no trumpet, as the HYPOCRITES do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you give to the needy do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you." Matthew 6:1-4

"Woe to you who are rich, for you have received your consolation." Luke 6:24

"Woe to you, when people speak well of you, for so their fathers did to the false prophets." Luke 6:26

I am convicted. I am absolutely guilty according to these scriptures... and many more I didn't write out. I want the praises of men. I want others to know I feed the homeless. I want my "righteous acts" to be known. Ha... funny how the Lord says "my righteous acts" are like filthy rags (Isaiah 64:6). The best possible humanitarian act... the most glorious charity deed... the single most outstanding, mother-teresa-sized display of compassion I can muster... is like a dirty dish rag in the eyes of the Father. I fall so so so so so short even on my best day.

The Message reads: "But there's trouble ahead if you think you have it made. What you have is all you'll ever get... There's trouble ahead when you live only for the approval of others." (Luke 6:24, 26) If I want man's praise... God says that's what I'll get. He's a gentlemen... he'll let me have what I want. But He says I won't see them! I won't see you doing the things I have called you to do FOR ME. You will get no recognition from me!

So often i try to serve both God and man. I need to be delivered from my fickleness.

Thank the Lord I have a Savior... who came to save me from myself.

Thanks ad for sharing your conviction on this... you helped ME see.

Thank you Jesus for your Grace. Amen.

trouble.

2008-07-28T19:52:00.000-07:00

so my friend liz gave me this louie giglio sermon to watch... now i'm a louie fan and all but honestly i really wasn't that excited about tuning into two 45-minute Passion Conference sermons on dvd.

well i finished part II last night... and i was blown away. there is this central and beautiful truth that louie reveals that i just cannot get over. i want to share it with you.. whoever reads this ha... but i'm no lou so forgive me if this doesn't sound as eloquent. (if you do have 90 spare minutes on your hands.. go get the dvd... its called HOPE- When Life Hurts Most)

John 16:33 says: "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

so essentially... louie's 90 minutes in a nutshell was this:

Trouble... earth-shattering, heart-ripping, life-altering, pain-staking TROUBLE... is inevitable. It. Will. Come. if it hasn't already.
The Cross... is the worst and the best thing that ever happened. Christ experienced more pain and suffering than anyone of us so that we might have a Savior who understands our pain. Jesus offers Himself and His cross as an anchor of hope no matter what we face in life.
Suffering.. then becomes something we can endure... but more importantly suffering becomes a way for us to bring His name glory.... a way for us to use our darkest moments for His fame. When life hurts most, the world listens most intently to our message... allowing us to show through our pain the goodness of the One who loves us the most.

i'm not in the midst of a big storm or tragedy right now... i don't wanna say that i feel something coming cuz i could be wrong... but if trouble is coming my way, the Lord has sure been preparing me. i really do believe there is beauty in the midst of suffering. when we suffer, we are closest to Christ... and that is exactly where i want to be.

me and my friend amanda have worn this video out watching it. the song is incredible and so is the story behind it.

KENYA.

2008-07-20T20:42:00.000-07:00

A few pics from Kenya...

Back to the States.

2008-07-19T19:48:00.000-07:00

Yes... I've returned from my adventure in Kenya. I'm happy and sad to be back. I've been trying to process through my whole expereince so that I don't sound like a blabbering idiot when I blog about it. I'm still working on that.

I decided to conform and get a facebook... but primarily for the purpose of sharing all the pics. So you can search me... Meghan Strickland... obviously. I've put up all the pics and wrote a little about each one. I'm in the process of putting together a little write-up with pics and little stories and things I took away from my time in Kenya.

For now.. I'll just say a little bit (even though that is not easy to do)... Kenya was incredible, overwhelming, heart-breaking, encouraging, humbling, unforgettable, and many more emotions all in one. i loved it and I want to go back. The people are beautiful... in every way. But the poverty you hear about and see on tv, if youve never been, is very very real. It is an absolute different world. It's hard to comprehend. My heart was ripped out. But the joy, the faith, and the HOPE of the people is what kept my heart from breaking into a million pieces... because, it can't. You can't stay sad for long when you see how these people treat one another like family and they praise God for everything and kids love school and they take joy in the little things.

I've heard it said by friends who have gone to Africa.. but now i can officially say it and know that its true: We (Americans) may be so blessed with material things and we may have so much... but the people in Katito, Kenya have something we don't have. We say they live in poverty... and they do.. very much so.. in fact they live in extreme poverty (less than $1 a day)....... BUT we too live in poverty in America... a different kind of poverty... but poverty nonetheless.

A definiton of poverty is the deprivation of those things that determine the quality of life. We tend to deprive ourselves of true joy.. of what it means to be content in all circumstances.. of enjoying one another... of not keeping ourselves busy... of being thankful... of giving God the Glory and the credit He deserves.

Kenyans have all these things.. and they've taught me all these things and more. Now I'm just trying to figure out how to innovate... how I can bring a little bit of Kenya to America and incorporate it into my life everyday... because I cannot keep living the way I do. I must try to slow down. I must try to be grateful. I must try to care about others more. I must try to enjoy God's creation.

3 DAYSSS!

2008-07-03T11:08:00.000-07:00

Yes!

I am 3 days away from Kenya and I don't know what to do with myself... I really don't even have time to be writing this. But I am ecstatic. God has provided in abundance for this trip... I'm so excited to see what I am going to experience and learn.

People keep asking me if I'm ready. As far as physically getting packed and all that... I'm getting there. But mentally, emotionally, and most importantly spiritually "ready"... wow, I don't know. My prayer has been.. God, prepare me. Prepare my heart, Lord. But I just don't think there is anyway for me to be fully prepared.

I know the statistics. I've read about the poverty. I've heard first-hand accounts. I've seen real footage of the people in Kenya. And those things have affected me deeply...

But I haven't met the people that make up those statistics. I haven't hugged the child I send money to each month. I haven't experienced life in Africa. I cannot prepare myself for this. And I can't imagine how this trip is going to affect me... because Africa has already found a place in my heart... now my compassion can only grow more.. as the people in Katito, Kenya become real to me. I cannot wait to return and share with you.

"Let my heart be broken with the things that break the heart of God."
-Bob Pierce, World Vison Founder

Don't move.

2008-06-25T16:33:00.000-07:00

"Therefore, my beloved brothers..

be steadfast,

immovable,

always abounding

in the work of the Lord,

knowing

that in the Lord

your labor IS NOT in vain."

-1 Corinthians 15:58

God is engraving this scripture on my heart right now. I really mean that. I've almost never felt more certain of God speaking through his word than now. The crazy "coincidences" like randomly committing this verse to memory recently.. the fact that a girl stood in the middle of a service at Mercy House to read it... opening my bible up to the exact verse again and again.. my best friend sending me a word of encouragement via text message today and of course the message being 1 Corinthians 15:58.

I've been praying for God to reveal His significance behind this verse to me. He is slowly but surely beginning to show me... well maybe its more like I'm slowly but surely starting to listen.

I'm in austin. The beautiful diverse city I will be moving to in the fall. I love the city. I am constantly reassured that this is where God has me to be. In the past few days of being here I have befriended people of many ethnic groups and cultures and beliefs. I have met a Jewish person, an atheist, a Muslim, a who-cares-about-religion type. I love these people I have met.

However, I must remain steadfast. I pray for encouraging believers here in Austin like the friends I am so blessed with at home.

God's word is truth.

His word is real.

His word is alive.

Thank you Jesus.

You are my Rock.

GRACE.

2008-06-10T18:03:00.001-07:00

oh where to begin... i have a million and one things to blog about. let me just say.. this last month has been crazy.. but wonderful.

well big milestone #1... i graduated high school. Praise the sweet Lord!

i am also preparing for Kenya in July... yes yes and yes!

i have UT orientation in a few weeks which only means that i am getting closer and closer to being in Austin.. probably my favorite city.

so that's the rundown of big events.. not to mention ten million things in between. But on to more important things... like big JC. o yes it always goes back to Jesus.

so my friend Lauren recently re-introduced me to this thing called GRACE. its a strange deal this "grace". it is completely irrational. it is not fair in anyway. it cannot be earned. it is free to all. it is the center of the Gospel.

i say she re-introduced GRACE to me because it seemed as if me and her both forgot about this beautiful idea... well not really an idea, but a reality we had simply disregarded. i realized that legalism in my life had begun to take the place of grace. For a short period i had started to become somewhat of a legalist.. which i would have never never have called myself... but it was true. and legalism resulted in judgement... which in turn resulted in my lack of ability to love others unconditionally... and before i knew it grace was no longer something i even understood (not that we ever truly can)... but better said, grace was something i didn't let myself experience because i was trying to be a saint by my own strength.

Legalism is such a terrible terrible cycle.. and a tiring one at that. Its an exhausting way to live. But GRACE... now grace... Grace is a most beautiful place to live. And by "living in grace" that does not mean living by license.. not in the least bit. It is realizing and accepting that I am a sinner just like my neighbor... i can never do anything to be better than my brother or sister... i can never do anything to be good enough for God... all i can do, is accept His Grace. And in that grace i am made clean.

GRACE.
i need you//

kenya update.

2008-05-05T16:05:00.000-07:00

umm.. can i just say God provides! yes.. yes He does.

with the help of my mom and good friends, we have reached the halfway mark for my trip! $2000 in a little over 3 weeks. Praise God!

Here's a little behind the scenes in my "sweatshop" as some call it.

oh yea.. and here's a few photos of the bro... big bday weekend. Go mike!

new eyes.

2008-05-04T20:25:00.000-07:00

i think god's been trying to say something to me lately... about having new eyes. it keeps coming up. and im just now realizing this as i'm writing (which, by the way, is the beauty of writing/journaling).. but yes im realizing that this whole "new eyes" concept does a lot to explain this brokenness ive been experiencing lately.

real quick explantaion of the brokennes...

i have been deeply broken this past week... and i havent been able to say why. It's not a guilt or sadness over something that happened, but more of a spiritual brokennes thats not necessarily bad... just painful. and if you've studied mother teresa's life, she experienced something like this.. although much more intense. Its like she felt she had to bear the darkness of the world. She physically and spiritually hurt for the poor and the low and the depressed and the down-trodden.

now im no mother T... but being around the lost and seeing their pain and their sorrow and feeling a deep deep compassion and sadness for them has played into my recent brokenness.

But back to the new eyes thing.. like i said in a recent post, Claiborne talks about how a different world is possible.. how His (God's) kingdom is a realitly. well... that is if we're willing to not see the world the way everyone else sees it. Romans 12:2 hello.

and also, this morning at The Village matt chandler discussed how theres these lenses we all put on to see the world with... the secular lens (bad), the religious lens (reallyyy bad), and the gospel lens (weird but beautiful). and the beautiful thing about the gospel lens is that we are free (unlike religion) to act out of obedience in JOY. With new eyes and the right eyes, we see realitly.. all the crap and brokenness of our reality... yet we let ourselves FEEL this and we act... for HIS glory.

cocoon.

2008-05-01T13:16:00.000-07:00

aww yes another outkast cover... i dont think its as good as obadiah.. but ill give them some props.

Peculiar.

2008-04-28T18:46:00.000-07:00

a few pics.. props to my boy Jeff Heimsath. He's a photo mastermind.

aw yes.. way past due on an update... shirt sales is going crazy. The Lord is providing indeed. and goes to show that young people do want to be a part of a cause.. (either that or they just think the shirts are cool) but i like to think its the former.

so i'm reading Jesus For President by my boy Shane... i encourage all to read it.. especially believers. you may not agree with everything.. but it sure makes you think.. and its pretty biblically backed so it can be hard to disagree with some of the uncomfortable truths we tend to overlook.

"God's people look strange in a rebellious and fallen world."
"If someone asks if we are Christ-followers, can we say, 'Tell me what you see?'"
"Jesus taught nonviolence when he said, 'I send you out as sheep among wolves.' Jesus knew that his followers would face threats to their lives. But nowhere did Jesus teach that his followers should turn into wolves when they run into other scary wolves. God...chooses...to suffer evil to overcome it."

just a few quotes a grabbed from last chapter i read... its hard to accept this idea of being a "peculiar people". Shane is basically challenging us to look at the ever popular Christian phrase: be in the world, but not of it. I mean how far do I really have to take that? I can still wear Nike shoes even though I know they are made in sweat shops that violate child labor laws right? I can still burn CDs even though I'm breaking the law.. everybody does it right? I can still do the same thing everyone else does and still be an icon for Jesus right?

'Fraid not, shane says. I was not made for this world. I know this. America isn't the kingdom i belong to. Your Kingdom come. Your will be done. On earth.. as it is in Heaven. We (Christ-followers) are to embody His Kingdom here and now. Claiborne writes: "We are thankful for Heaven, but we are not willing to stand by and watch people live through hell to get there." This world isnt just a holding tank. This life isn't just a waiting game. We cannot simply blend in and wait until our number is called to enter the pearly gates. No way. Kingdom work should happen now. We were not given the responsibility of this body and this life and this world to just fumble through it.. ignoring injustice.. ignoring our call.. ignoring all the little hells on earth.

I'm not preaching here... well maybe i am... but if I'm talking to anyone its myself. I need to be reminded of this all the time. That we are called to be like Jesus- that is being among all the crap of the world.. definitely not distancing ourselves... but also being different. Peculiar.

Let's get creative...

Africa.

2008-04-21T18:09:00.000-07:00

The Lord is sending me to Africa... to Kenya... and i cannot explain my excitment. I am making shirts (as seen above).. they say HOPE and the "o" is an Africa... in case you can't see i guess.

If you are interested in supporting please contact me... the shirts are $10. You can email at megstricko@yahoo.com.

There is Hope for Africa.

Yeasayer

2008-04-05T08:05:00.000-07:00

i cant get enough of this... yeasayer is incredible.

ALL of it.

2008-04-01T16:59:00.000-07:00

so i talked with an old friend last night... she started telling me the things God has been showing her and teaching her. There was something she said that I've heard before many times but never dug into... she said we should glorify God in all that we do.

sure.. i know this. but there's a certain little word that i tend to overlook... that word is ALL. glorify the Lord in ALL, everything, each and every single nook and cranny of me life. Now what does that encompass? well... food, sleep, work, school, speaking, clothes, relationships... all these things should be glorifying to God in my life. i know this might sound mundane.. but this is one of those things that is for the first time actually penetrating my heart.

This reminds me of a beautiful truth Rob Bell highlighted... he said that it is rather ridiculous when christians ask another brother or sister, "How is your spiritual life?"... as if we have our "normal life" here and then our "spiritual life" over there.... as if God is in this one area I have made for him and the rest is just this life I must go through... as if things are only spiritual part of the time. But the reality is everything is spiritual. ALL we do is spiritual. And when we think about things this way... God becomes very present in every second of our lives. Suddenly some daily action like driving a car is no longer just an ordinary practice.. it is beautiful. I dont mean that we must be deep and intellectual 24/7 and take everything way too seriously... definitely not. But we must do one thing.. and that is realize that the Lord wants to be an intimate part of every aspect our lives... every action we perform, no matter how "nonspiritual" it seems to us. Everything is spiritual because God is in every moment.

Now that I've begun to acknowledge this.. really acknowledge it...Everything looks different. And its become my joy to glorify God in all I do. I am beginning to experience this joy through things in my life that i never even considered.

Sunday is here... and so is Salvation.

2008-03-23T15:27:00.000-07:00

Please listen to the words of this song.

O how we deserve death... the enemy is right... we are so not good enough. But those two words ring true and beautiful to my ears...

JESUS SAVES.

Today at church, we watched S.M. Lockridge's sermon "It's Friday, but Sunday's coming!" If you have never heard it... please go watch it on youtube now. But part of that message is that Satan thinks he is right.. that he can somehow win... that is what he thought on Calvary hill that Friday our Savior "died". But he didn't know that what was going to happen on the third day was going to mean victory

forever.

Because of what we celebrate today... we have already won!

Praise Him.

Hosanna!

2008-03-16T18:49:00.000-07:00

it doesnt feel like easter time to me... like i felt weird waving palm branches this morning.

but then again i sound a little ridiculous.. it's not like i have to wait until March 23 to celebrate the Resurrection. i mean i know that of course... but it's almost as if i do that.

here's the celebration of Jesus riding in a donkey... well sometimes a Harley. :]

my prayer lately has been that the Lord would humble me... a woman told me today that i shouldn't pray that. It's a scary thing to ask.... because God will do it. And you probably won't be ready. and let me just say... the Lord has gone to work on me fast. This weekend I have been so so moved in mighty ways... i still need to humbled... for the very moment I lose my pride, I turn around and pat myself on the back for being so "humble". i can't seem to escape my ugly self.

not only was Christ riding in on a donkey a beautiful picture of a humble act... but so was the washing of feet. God in the flesh kneeling down and cleaning his brothers' dirty feet. Talk about humility. and this morning at Church Under the Bridge... we all got the amazing privilege to follow Christ's example.. to glorify Him by being a servant... by washing one another's feet.

empty me.

2008-03-10T15:45:00.000-07:00

Holy fire

burn away

my desire

for anything

that is not of you

and is of me

i want more of you

and less of me.

Helpless. Hopeful.

2008-02-27T20:55:00.001-08:00

my hope is weak and this night has been so long
and the sounds of injustice are all around
i feel so powerless standing against it
who am i to try to resist this wicked machine?

but as i look around i see my family by my side
and with one voice we lift our hands to the sky
in defiance to this broken system
in hope for the New World
where injustice does not prevail and evil is not a career

and i know my hope is not in vain
no matter how small my strength or quiet my shout
every bit of hope, of faith, of love is not wasted
because even the smallest victory lights up the night

maybe not today or the day after tomorrow
but Redemption Himself will come
on that day everything changes
and this broken world is made New

i came across this poem and i am very encouraged by it. because it is easy for me to look at the immense brokenness of this world... by seeing the enemy at work everywhere.. from my school to the streets.... to see all this evil and feel so helpless.

i feel helpless when i talk to a friend who has completely lost touch with God and now lives a life lacking any sort of meaning because they say they "simply don't care enough".

i feel helpless when i read and hear about all the corruption and fighting and poverty in Africa.. a place where death is so rampant my entire high school would die off in 3 days.

i feel helpless when a homeless man gazes deep into my eyes with tears running down his dirty face and tells me his devastating story and pleads with me to promise i will stay away from drugs and alcohol cause if not i "will end up like him"... and i don't have words to give him.

i feel helpless sometimes... but i am always encouraged when reminded that my hope is not in vain and that Christ will one day create a new earth like the scriptures say in Revelation. And on that day i will rejoice with my brothers and sisters in Christ. Suffering will be no more. Pain will be no more. And injustice will cease.

Here's Gary... the homeless man I was talking about it. He's awesome.

Weird but Wonderful.

2008-02-18T17:56:00.000-08:00

Ad showed me this a few weeks ago.... i feel like it's worth posting.

I wish whoever made this hadn't mixed the videos.. i think it takes away from the beauty of this re-make.

But check it out.. and love it.

I Need You.

2008-02-15T14:55:00.000-08:00

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
//Romans 8:26-28

Such a beautiful scripture. Thank you Nadia. But more importantly.. thank you Jesus.

Sorry that I don't have more to say... but I've done enough talking lately. I'm just allowing the Lord to hold me and be all that I need.

Because He is.

He
is
all
i
need.

and he's all you need.
and so much more.

Shadowfeet.

2008-02-10T12:59:00.001-08:00

I really liked this.

Mercy is Falling.

2008-02-09T12:13:00.000-08:00

Wow... sorry it's been so long. So much has been going on.. I really haven't been able to process it all... but the good news is that most of it is amazing things God has been doing.

I've really been trying to refocus lately. I realized a few weeks back that I haven't been doing a very good job on taking care of some internal business. I find myself talking to others about God and spending time thinking about God-related things... but not participating in my own personal time with Him... the time I owe to Him so that He can show me my flaws.... the time I owe so that He can bring to the surface my sins and my issues.. but also the time I owe so that He can renew me and give me the word I need to get past those harmful things... and the time I owe so that I can get closer to the One I love... the One who loves me more.

So... I've made it a point to be in the Word more... a lot more. And really soak it in... really LISTEN. And then really live it. It's not easy... but my attempt and effort at this has brought me all the more closer to Him.

Just have to share this real quick... me and my friends Matt and Seth went down to Dallas today to a wonderful place called Mercy House. I got the opprotunity to meet and talk with some truely beautiful people.. most of them homeless. We had breakfast and lunch and in between a worship service... in which the Spirit of God completely engulfed. Good old fashion gospel singing and some amazing good words. I cannot wait to go back. The couple who run Mercy House are amazing godly people with huge hearts. They are the kind of people that are concerned all and only about the Father's kingdom... the kind of people that are living out His word... the kind of people that love Him with their lives.

To Be Alone With You.

2008-01-14T15:10:00.000-08:00

so I had this moment yesterday where I was completely silent before God... it's hard for me to be completely silent... not just verbally but also mentally... no thoughts running through my head... not thinking about anything... not thinking about the fact that I'm trying not to think... it's not easy. I don't even know if it's possible... but I think I got pretty close.

I asked God to speak. And I've asked that a lot... but I never seem to let Him, cause I'm usually talking and thinking too much for myself. But yesterday I made myself shut up. I was driving... and for a while I was kind of frustrated because I didn't feel like God was saying anything. I kept praying a prayer from Mark 9- "I do believe, help me with my unbelief." Because, honestly, I was doubtful of if I was going to actually "hear" God.

My desperation grew as I got closer and closer to home. Does God really have anything to say to me? Am I actually going to hear His voice? What should I listen for? Am I just wasting my time?

I was about to give up on the whole silence thing, when I suddenly realized the strong presence of God with me in my car. And I know this is going to sound kind of hokey.. but I know it happened. I know it was real and I can't really explain it. Somehow.. not in an audible voice... but in some kind of heart language I guess... God said, "Meghan, do you know how much I love you?" Out loud I said, "Yes. Of course I do." Then God asked, "But do you really know how much I love you?" "Well... maybe not," I said. Then God said these beautiful words: "YOU are my child."

You
are
my
child.

I really can't get over that. He loves me like His child. And sometimes that's all we need to hear... our daddy telling us how much he loves us and that we are indeed His. We are loved just as much and in the same way as Christ. I'm still trying to wrap my brain around that.

"This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased..." (Matthew 17:5)

We are His beloved.

Listen to Sufjan's Stevens song "To Be Alone With You".

O His Love.

2008-01-04T12:40:00.000-08:00

I just finished Redeeming Love... such a good read. Very different from the books I usually get into... but I'd definitely recommend it. Such a beautiful love story... not only between a man and a woman (a woman whose very hard to love at that).... but more importantly, the love story between God and his child. I, like the main character, a prostitute, turn away and turn away from God and go back to my old ways. And yet, My Father's love is unfailing... unconditional... redeeming.

The book ends with this....

"Love the Lord your God,
And love one another.
Love one another as he loves.
Love with strength and purpose and passion
And no matter what comes against you.
Don't weaken.
Stand against the darkness, and love.
That's the way back into Eden.
That's the way back to life."

I love it.

The Passion.

2007-12-30T13:45:00.000-08:00

Me and my friends watched The Passion of The Christ last night... yea, talk about a light-hearted girls night. Not. I was in a pile... a complete wreck. I'd seen it before when it first came out and I cried. But not like this. I don't cry in movies. And I definitely don't sob. I never felt so drained.

This wasn't a movie that I could just disconnect from and tell myself "It's just a movie." It actually happened. Jesus was ridiculed... tempted... betrayed...beaten... spit on... crucified. And it's my fault.

I was hit pretty hard watching the scene when Peter denies Christ. It flashes back to Peter telling Jesus he will follow him to prison even to death.. And then within minutes he flat out says he doesn't know Jesus three times. Then Jesus, bloodied and beaten, meets Peter's eyes. And you can see the pain and the shame in Peter's face. And I couldn't help but feel exactly what he felt. Because I've done the exact same thing. How he puts up with me... I will never know?

Grace... such a beautiful thing.

There's this song on Phil Wickham's new CD that I couldn't help but think of as I cried and shook my way through watching Christ hang on the Cross... it's called "True Love" and it's so good...

Come close listen to the story
About a love more faithful than the morning
The Father gave his only son just to save us

The earth was shaking in the dark
All creation felt the Father's broken heart
Tears were filling heaven's eyes
The day that true love died, the day that true love died
When blood and water hit the ground
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down
We were free and made alive
The day that true love died, the day that true love died

Search your heart, you know you can't deny it
Come on, lose your life just so you can find it
The Father gave his only son just to save us

The earth was shaking in the dark
All creation felt the father's broken heart
Tears were filling heaven's eyes
The day that true love died, the day that true love died
When blood and water hit the ground
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down
We were free and made alive
The day that true love died, the day that true love died

Now Jesus is alive
Jesus is alive
Jesus is alive
Jesus is alive
Jesus is alive
oh He is alive
He rose again

When blood and water hit the ground
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down
We were free and made alive
The day that true love died, the day that true love died

Come close listen to the story

mundane story.

2007-12-19T19:57:00.000-08:00

So I think I'm a little frustrated... I'm not really sure with whom or exactly why or if I even should be about this... well see.. it's the Christmas season... the celebration of our Savior's birth... the celebration of an event so special, so holy, so beautiful.. that it's the only event in history to separate time (BC-AD)... for a Christian, Christmas is the celebration of Christ. So I guess what I'm frustrated with is Christians who are trying so hard to, in some impossible ridiculous way, "embellish" the Christmas story.. or trying to make it more interesting... or trying to take a "new spin" on things... as if that is even possible... as if the birth of Christ needs something more, a little kick... as if the meaning of CHRISTmas has become, dare I say, mundane.

Now I'm not saying pastors do not have all but good intentions if they preach on the Christmas story in a different light or from a perspective different from the norm. And I'm not even exclusively referring to pastors. I think I'm thinking more about Christians in general... and that includes me. Me... that's part of where my frustration lies. Because I tend to let Christmas pass by without thinking. I hear sermons about Jesus. I watch movies about Jesus. I sing songs about Jesus. But it's just another holiday.

Tuesday a guy read Isaiah 53. Honestly.. it took me flipping there in my bible to read along.. and seeing that I had the passage underlined.. to realize I had been reading this several times over the past few weeks. Pretty sad huh. I almost cried as he read those holy words. I heard the pain my Savior endured for me. I heard how foolish I am. I heard how much Jesus loves me. I heard the earth-shattering significance of God coming to this earth in flesh as Jesus Christ to suffer and die. That beautiful beautiful truth. It hit me like a ton of bricks. And there was no spin on it, no new outlook, no embellishing.... it was simply scripture... the truth I've heard so many times... the actual "reason for the season"... and it was so NOT mundane.

"Surely he took up our infirmities
and carried our sorrows,
yet we considered him stricken by God,
smitten by him, and afflicted.
But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed.
We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to his own way;
and the LORD has laid on him
the iniquity of us all."
-Isaiah 53:4-6
(Please go read the whole chapter.)

Father, please never let the birth and sending of your only begotten son become anything less than beautiful and true to my ears. Thank you for what we have to celebrate on Christmas. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Breathe.

2007-12-13T14:29:00.000-08:00

As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, O God.

My soul thirsts for God,
for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God?

My tears have been my food day and night,
while men say to me all day long,
"Where is your God?"

These things I remember
as I pour out my soul:
how I used to go with the multitude,
leading the procession to the house of God,
with shouts of joy and thanksgiving
among the festive throng.

Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
My soul is downcast within me;
therefore I will remember you
from the land of the Jordan,
the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.

Deep calls to deep
in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers
have swept over me.

By day the LORD directs his love,
at night his song is with me—
a prayer to the God of my life.

-Psalm 42:1-8

Well my surgery is tomorrow... yes finally clearing up the ol' sinuses... I'll be a little stuffed up for a few weeks considering I won't be able to blow my nose and it will be swollen like nothing else. But I'm ready to be able to breathe. Aww yes.. breathe. Thank you, Jesus.

Children of the World.

2007-12-09T14:37:00.001-08:00

These are the three beautiful boys who stayed with us this weekend. There names are James, Kennedy, and Drexler. James and Kennedy are from India and Drexler is from the Phillipines. They put on an amazing performance today along with about 20 other kids from India, the Phililpines and Africa. I'm going to miss these little guys.

Go check out the Children of the World choir at http://www.worldhelp.net/.

Suffering.

2007-11-30T15:29:00.000-08:00

So I live in America... a place where it's not that uncommon to find someone who calls themselves a Christian... "a Christian nation" some might call us.

It's kind of strange isn't it though... I mean if you really think about. Some throw around the term "Christian"... some use it so lightly... as if they might describe themselves as outgoing, funny, trendy, and christian. Like it's just another adjective. Christian is a noun! It doesn't just describe someone... it defines them.

The more I read Jesus' teachings... the more disgusted I am with so many people's outlook on Christianity. Because something that Jesus is never afraid to tell people is that being a Christ-follower is not easy... it's tough... it's scary... it's different... it's radical. Matthew 7:14 says "For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few." Jesus straight up says that this faith... this journey... this way of life... is not normal. It's like everyone is going one way... and we are going to have to go the complete opposite way. Not exactly what some people think when they describe themselves as "christian".

Another not so glamorous side to Christianity is suffering. Yes... suffering? Because what is at the center of the Christian faith.. well Christ of course. And what was the reason Christ came... to suffer... for us. So when we are called to be like Christ.. we are called to suffer.

Narrow path, pain, a hard way, suffering. Seems like a weird thing to sign up for doesn't it? It's something I can't explain... but it's something I just know is right. Maybe it's because we all know that we were created to live for something more... but we've screwed that up... and we all desperately want something worth dying for. Or maybe because Jesus' vision for life takes everything we have and that's what's so appealing about it. Or maybe because it's when we feel most in tune with God... in the midst of suffering.

And that's why I don't feel like many people look at Christianity the way Jesus presented it... because every one's trying so hard to make their life easier. And if you haven't realized, choosing to follow Christ doesn't mean everything gets right and problems are gone forever... in fact, I think it brings about more. But in some way that I can't put into words, it is beautiful. It is right.

And I've chosen the hard way... not to live a "Christian" life... but to try to live like Christ. It means that I have to love people more than myself. It means that I have to refuse to become numb to this broken world. It means I have to hurt and feel and suffer. But it also means that I have hope. I have a hope to offer the world... a hope that is that one day Christ will come back to this mess of a world and we will restore it.

"I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true." ' (Revelation 21:2-5)

Psalms.

2007-11-25T18:05:00.000-08:00

Wow. God has been so good lately... well not just lately... always. I guess I tend to mess things up a lot. He's so good to me, and I'm so bad to Him. Hmm.. funny how that always works.

I've been reading the Psalms... if you never have or you tend to get intimidated by the 150 chapters in the book... don't be. Because that's the beauty of the Psalms.. the fact that there are so many songs.. so many poems... so many emotions.. you're bound to connect with the writer. "Psalms" comes from the Hebrew word "Tehilim", תהילים, which means "praises". In Greek, it comes from the word "psalmoi" originally meaning "songs sung to a harp" and from "psallein" meaning "play on a stringed instrument". For me, music speaks to my heart in a way that nothing else can... and the Psalms are lyrics. I can think of few things more beautiful.

So I read Psalm 51 the other night. Two verses in that song just grabbed me... and shook me to the core. The first was verse 12: "Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant in me a willing spirit, to sustain me." Things for me have been I guess what one could call mundane lately. How refreshing to think on salvation.. the joy of salvation. That verse was a prayer for me. Then I read on and came upon verse 17: "My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." This whole sacrifice business has been coming up a lot. Rob Bell talked a lot about it.. and the previous verse in chapter 51, verse 16, says that God will not be pleased with burnt offerings or any of that. He wants a different kind of sacrifice. He wants our hearts... our broken hearts. And oh how mine has been so broken. I can think of nothing I would rather do than place my broken heart into the hands of the Father... into the hands of my Lover... into the hands of the Healer. Of course. The Healer.

Sometimes it's hard for me to read the Word. But then.. I do. And I realize it's alive. It's alive and it's connecting with me. And it will connect with you... because it's not a collection of old stories, or rules, or literature written by old kings. No, it is my story too. It's your story too. And every time I read it.. it's a way for God to speak to me.

My man Rob.

2007-11-20T15:33:00.000-08:00

So I had the amazing opportunity to see Rob Bell on Friday... he blew me away as I knew he would. He has such knowledge and such insight that it makes me realize things about life and the Bible and God that I never even considered... things that are truly beautiful.

I was delighted to hear so much about the Old Testament which until recently, I have mainly dismissed. The significance that Rob revealed in some of the first books of the Bible gave a whole new perspective on things. He explained the transition from the altar sacrifice to many distant gods to the radical idea of altar sacrifice to a very intimate personal God who replies... then finally to the ultimate sacrifice Jesus Christ.

Hebrew 10:4- "For it is impossible for the blood of bulls and goats to take away sins."

He also talked about kindness.. and the reincarnation of all things... the beauty of Christ. He shared so many real-life stories of people... I'll share a few that I loved... see if you can't see Jesus in these...

"A young woman had to have surgery on her face to remove a tumor in the cheek. The surgery was tough and they knew the woman's face was not going to be the same. They brought her husband into the room when the doctor unwrapped the bandages. Fully revealed, the wife's face was far from the one she used to have. The husband looked down at her for a moment. Then he said, "I like it." Then he bent down and kissed her crooked mouth."

"A woman was said to have been having visions of Jesus. A priest went to her and asked her about these visions. To test their validity he told the woman to ask Jesus in her next vision what she had confessed last time in confession.

The next time the priest saw her he asked her if she had had another vision. "Yes," the woman replied. "Well... did you ask him the question I told you to ask?" "Yes, I did." she responded. "Jesus said, 'I don't remember.'""

"I don't remember."

Me.

2007-11-14T19:55:00.000-08:00

So I have to admit again that I'm draggin... so weary... so fatigued. Basketball is killer.. along with winter and having asthma... sickness... not to mention some personal junk. Life is just tough. Yea, really profound huh.

People say that your true character shines through during tough times... well if that's true (and i do believe it is) then my character really sucks. When things go bad for me, that's exactly what takes full reign in my mind... me. I have a very hard time being selfless when my life isn't just right. I seem to condone treating others like crap, if I feel like crap. I seem to excuse my sudden angry snaps at people simply because I'm having a bad day.

In my psychology course that just ended, we studied Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Maslow said that physiological needs make up the base of his "motivation pyramid"... basically stating that food and water take first precedence over anything a human does. So one must have food and water before one can love. Without the "necessities" a person cannot think of anything else.

For a while... I wanted to argue Maslow's Hiearchy. I mean we can be selfless even when we're hungry right... especially us Christ-followers? But then I looked at my behavior. And I'm definitely not starving.. yet I still have trouble showing love to others when things aren't all in place for me.

It's that way with my relationship with God too. My response to God during rough times isn't always right. I'm not saying I should pretend everything is ok and not release my emotions... because the first one I should do that to is indeed He whom I'm closest with. However, I find myself not having enough faith in Him... almost putting limits on what I think God can do... almost doubting Him... almost seeing a very narrow version of who He really is... almost putting God in a box. (Thank you, Keith.) And that sucks, because God shows me what my faith really is... and it's weak.

God is way bigger than I know. I hate that I ever doubt Him. He's working on me though.

I just have to let Him.

The Hug Poem.

2007-11-13T14:50:00.000-08:00

I read about how you touched them and they were healed
Or even if someone just touched your cloak
they were forever changed.
You let a broken women bathe your feet in her tears
And you washed your best friend’s feet.

I'm just wondering though did you ever just hug people
I mean I know that it's a silly question and all
I'm sure you would have why wouldn’t you
But its one of those things that was never mentioned that got me thinking about it
And how whenever there was a touch from you sins were forgiven and sickness fell.

I think I’m caught up in my sins
last time I checked all my body parts were properly working,nothing special here
I am just a kid with a heavy heart these passing sunrises and sunsets
I don’t think our encounter would have ended up in your gospels or anything
Because all I really need is a hug.

And that's ok for me to imagine right?
That’s not conflicting with any sort of theology is it?
Ok good... then hug me.

But not one of these side ways one arm around the neck type hugs
Or the ghetto right hand clasp fists elbows to chest pat pat on the back back
Or you put your right arm over my left arm
and I put my right arm under your left arm and we make this weird sort of diagonal thing
No none of those.
BEAR HUG ME MAN

Take your old school carpenter arms and throw them over my upper body
leaving my arms dangling underneath yours somewhere
and I can barely move them because your squeezing me so hard.
But don’t pick me up and make my back pop because I hate it when people do that.

And hold me, hold me here in your arms until I start to cry because
I WANT TO CRY
But I just can’t seem to do it on my own.
I have been teary eyed once recently but not even enough for a drip down my cheek.
There's just hurt in my soul that needs to be purged
so hold me here in this hugging pose
until the pain is flowing from my eyes and nose.

-Bradley Hathaway

Death or Love.

2007-11-02T12:58:00.001-07:00

So me and some friends have been studying Genesis... and I love reading a book from beginning to end.. not skipping around and pulling out things here and there... but reading it verse after verse.. I'm starting to see so many things that I've missed before.

I was reading chapter 9 and I came across verse 6, "Whoever sheds the blood of man, by man shall his blood be shed, for God made man in his own image." I was a little disturbed by this... I mean it makes sense... it's just... but it seems harsh. I've also been very interested in the different positions on the death penalty lately.. so I've been seeking what God's view might be on the issue. And it seems to be quite clear in this verse.

However, I decided to look a little deeper into the good book. Matthew 5 had a lot to say. Jesus talked about anger saying... "You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.' But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgement. Again, anyone who insults his brother is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, 'You fool!' will be in danger of the fire of hell.(v. 21-22)

Then in Matthew 5: 38-43..."You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.' But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you."

So what's the deal? Do God and Jesus have different views on this subject? But how can they.. aren't they the same? My thoughts exactly. But I don't think this is a contradiction.. and I don't think big G changed his mind either. No, I think it's quite similar to what we see throughout the entire story of the bible.

In the Old Testament, there are many many rules and laws of the land from God. In fact, the Mosaic Code consists of 613 laws! And of course, Moses received the 10 commandments as well. But again I look at the New Testament... when Jesus is asked what the greatest commandment is, he simply says "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." (Matt 22:36-40) So we see that Jesus almost boils down all these laws of do's and dont's into 2 simple commands. Love God. Love People. I think Jesus is almost saying, do these 2 things.. and you won't have to worry about keeping all the laws.

I will never fully understand God.. I will never fully know how he thinks... but I do know that God sent his son... and I do know Christ died for me.. and he died for you. JC showed the greatest act of love.. and he tells us to show the same to his Father and to others. And even though I mess up.. huge... I know I have someone who will plead my case to the Father... I know Jesus will stand between me and the God whom I have separated myself from because of my sin and he will say, "This is my child, whom I died for." And I will undeservedly be shown the amazing mercy and grace and love of my heavenly Dad.

"Through His humanity, Jesus Christ is able to mediate, that is, to go between man and God and represent man to God. As a mediator, Jesus reconciles man to God; He brings man back into fellowship with God." (2 Corinthians 5:18-19)

This is the Gospel.

Go! Iceland.

2007-10-26T20:05:00.000-07:00

Music from Iceland is like nothing else... so weird... so awesome.

This is a clip of Bjork's show from ACL about a month ago... so crazy.

Questioning Religion...?

2007-10-22T16:56:00.000-07:00

I question things a lot... little things... other people... and yes even god things.

Someone said to me today that they thought it was weird that I am the type of person who questions things because of "how religious I am". He didn't mean that I just accept and believe anything... but I guess typical Christians don't question thing as much as non-Christians.

I picked up a book at Barnes and Noble the other day called "Why I'm Not a Christian". I only read a little bit of the book but I found it extremely interesting. The author had a lot of questions and thoughts... which I very much disagreed with... but I think it's good to see other sides of things and where people are coming from... and it also helps me to really dig into my faith and understand what I believe and why.

Just from reading a chapter of that book, I think the author probably had some bad experiences with "Christians" or at least has seen Christianity mis-represented one too many times. It brought back a lot of thoughts of my own experience as a Christian...

I used to think Christianity was about religion. Period. It was about going to church (check), reading the bible (check), living a morally good life(check). Rituals. Religion. And oh how unfulfilling that was. Empty religion.

Then, I questioned.

And I realized this revolutionizing point: "It's not about religion, it's about a relationship". Christ-followership. Intimacy with Jesus. Loving people. Obedience springing from love, not a check-list springing from conviction and duty. Following blindly with my life, not doing my monthly act of service. Letting my heart be broken with the things that break His heart, not ignoring others and only focusing on me me me.

Relationship not religion.

And it's so not empty.

It's so more than fulfilling too.

It's Beautiful... the most beautiful thing there is.

Listen.

2007-10-11T14:58:00.000-07:00

Well I guess it's been about a week... since I was last on here... yea, not that long... but I usually post pretty often...

Maybe it's because I have nothing to post about... but that's not really true... more of the reason is that I feel like I've been going 500 miles an hour... school, church, homecoming, stuff. It's tough.. cause I haven't been with my friends in forever. And if you know me at all, you know that's beyond important to me. I need them.

But back to the 500 miles an hour thing... so basically I realized today that I've been pretty ignorant of a lot of things since I'm doing so much... I've neglected sleep, homework, friends (not on purpose).. and today I sadly realized... God. I've been ignoring God... well I mean I've been reading His word and praying... but just not listening. Basically I've been having a one-way conversation... all me... none of Him. Yea, pretty lame relationship I know.

I ignored the nudging of the Holy Spirit today... later I paid the consequence. And I'm glad that happened.. because it made me realize my ignorance... but it really sucks that it had to come to that for me to listen... or even think about listening for that matter. I think I just need to be silent.

I love this poem... He listens... and so should I.

Silence

What’s happening here?
I was once so alive and now I’m so full of dread and almost dead
Show me your wounded head that has led to communion with the father
But where did he go?
His presence seems farther and farther away each day but I’m trying so hard to steer his way
Yet still lonely and confused on this cold hard ground I lay

Speak to me wise mouth and say “it’s all good kid, it’s nothing that you did, and though it feels like I’m not here with you right now just be still and silent and listen for that sound..
Shhh..
Did you hear it?
Listen again.
Did you hear it?
That silent voice that just spoke nothing, that is me, I’m listening to your plea with open ears
Counting all your tears flowing from your irritated eyes
Searching the skies looking for that hope that beyond there lies.

Oh you young worrisome sparrow, find rest
Lay your battered head upon my omnipresent breast and make it your nest
No strong cold wind could ever blow and carry you from this your home
Look around, see the life shooting up from the ground
Spring colors springing fourth and celebration of your trusting

It’s a constant process this is
Growing you into the man you are to become
But when you sense the setting of the sun know it is only rising and has just begun
Now go fourth, sing songs of faith, and lift up others in the midst of this race
And if you can’t keep the pace or lose sight of my face
Know that I’m always near so you need not fear
But don’t worry about all that right now
Just sit here and enjoy the peace I offer in my silence
When I am silent I am listening, and not abandoning.

-Bradley Hathaway

Motha' T.

2007-10-04T19:49:00.001-07:00

Yea so I'm reading about Mother Teresa... she's pretty awesome. Like no joke.. one of the most selfless people in history... with the extreme exception of Big JC himself.

I found something really interesting that she wrote about in her person diaries... She talked about the fact that Jesus thirsts for us. I have never really heard that said before... She says, "Not only He loves you, even more-He longs for you. He misses you when you don't come close. He thirsts for you..." What an amazing way to express God's desire for us. He thirsts.

John 19:28 says, "Jesus, knowing that all was finished, said, "I thirst."' Jesus said this as He took some of his last breaths on the cross... and then some of the Romans held a sponge of vinegar up to His mouth... stupid Romans. That makes me laugh. I mean seriously, Jesus endured more pain than any human should... and did not complain once. Do they really think He's gonna ask for a drink NOW? No... this was a different kind of thirst... as Mother T said, "He spoke of His thirst- not for water- but for love, for sacrifice." God thirsts for these things... and He thirsts for us. Another brilliant quote of Mother...'"I thirst" is something much deeper than just Jesus saying "I love you." Until you know deep inside that Jesus thirsts for you- you can't begin to know who He wants to be for you. Or who He wants you to be for Him."

I think that last statement is interesting..."who He wants you to be for Him." Mother Teresa seemed to get this too... she wrote about what she thought the job of a missionary for Christ is to be... she said our aim should be "to satiate the thirst of Jesus" and "to quench the infinite thirst of a God made man... by our love." God thirsts for us... and we are to satisfy... to completely suffuse... to drown His thirst.

Da Word.

2007-10-03T14:05:00.000-07:00

The bible is so crazy... like the other day Amanda showed me a whole chapter in 1 Corinthians she found...it seemed like we had never even read it before. It was like God straight talking to her... like He just wrote it down. The living Word of God foreal.

And yesterday, I was going through the Old Testament and there were little books in there I've never even looked at. I'm really excited to start studying the O.T. because I don't read it as much as I should... and I'm pretty sure it's important.. I mean it's the bible Jesus read right?

It's kinna funny... the other day, someone at school told me that her teacher wouldn't let her read her Bible during our "designated reading time". The teacher told her she had to read a novel. I would have loved to ask her teacher some questions...

"Ok what.. so you want me to read some Nora Roberts romance novel? Well, actually the Bible is full of romance. In fact, it's the greatest love story ever." Or... "Would you like me to read a murder story? Well, the Bible includes one of the most brutal types of murders in history.. Crucifixion on a cross." Or maybe... "Should I read a mystery novel? Well, the Bible includes the greatest mystery... one that is still unsolved. The mystery of how God could love me and you, sinners, so much that He would die for us."

I have to say though... I do agree that the Bible is not just a novel... no it's definitely far more than a good book you read from beginning to end and then add to your bookshelf... like I said before it's the living Word of God... it's alive in our hands. We hold such a power... and so many times I forget that God's Word.. his voice to me... is right here in my grasp. Ephesians 6 calls it our sword. No wonder that teacher made my friend put her Bible away... no weapons allowed at school right?

Remedy.

2007-09-30T21:32:00.000-07:00

"Never Let Go" Lyrics

When clouds veil sun

And disaster comes

Oh, my soul Oh, my soul

When waters rise

And hope takes flight

Oh, my soul Oh, my soul Oh, my soul

Ever faithful

Ever true

You I know

You never let go

When clouds brought rain

And disaster came

Oh, my soul Oh, my soul

When waters rose

And hope had flown

Oh, my soul Oh, my soul Oh, my soul

Oh, my soul

Overflows

Oh, what love, oh, what love

Oh, my soul

Fills hope

Perfect love that never lets go

Oh, what love, oh what love

In joy and pain

In sun and rain

You’re the same

Oh, You never let go

So basically, if you haven't bought the new David Crowder cd, Remedy... i don't know what you're waiting for. Another amazing album by dcb... his lyrics are always powerful.

It's kinna funny that this entry is called Remedy considering my last one was Exhausted. I'm not going to say that God came in and cleaned up everything that's going on right now... (I've pretty much learned that that's not really how He works)... but He has given me peace. I love what Anne Lammot said, "God isn't there to take away our suffering or our pain, but to fill it with His presence." There's nothing more comforting than to know you're not alone... and I so often forget that God is right here with me... he's hurting with me. Because it's not like he's never experienced pain... I mean He took on the weight of the entire world... all our sin... He experienced death... He had to experience darkness for us... He had to experience "the abscence of God" in a sense... so that we never have to.

I am not alone. You are not alone. He is the Remedy. He's the cure to your pain... to your suffereing... to your hurt. Not because He necessarily takes it away... but because He's there.

He's there.

And he never lets go.

Exhausted.

2007-09-25T14:12:00.000-07:00

I'm so tired... in fact I'm exhausted.. fatigued.. just plain worn out.

I mean weariness in the physical sense mainly, but I am also emotionally and mentally exhausted. Spiritually.. I don't know... can we become spiritually worn out? Maybe. I guess I just feel the need for peace and rest. Peace and rest... I really really need it.

It's funny cuz before I felt this way... several days back... I read Matthew 11:28. It says, "Come to Me, all you who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest." Beautiful... I know I say that a lot. But that's the word that comes to mind when I read scripture like this. Such a comforting verse... so encouraging and up-lifting. Thank you, God.

Something quite profound has really hit me lately. Well i guess you could call it profound... maybe after I say it though, it will seem like common sense... but see, God has really revealed to me his power and his sovereignty lately. Pena talked about this at BC this morning... she shared a little bit of her journey with God. She said that when she was at her weakest possible point God picked her up and showed her where His place in her life should be.. and she became strengthened through Him. And that helped me realize that when we are our weakest.. when we are at our lowest low... when we are tired... exhausted... that's when God's strength is the most. That's when, if we allow Him, God can make us stronger than ever because it is Him who is holding us up... not ourselves.. not our own strengths.

So I guess I should be joyous to say that I am weak.

I'M WEAK!

AND GOD IS STRONG.

East to West.

2007-09-22T15:43:00.000-07:00

There is this song by Casting Crowns. The lyrics of this song are beautiful. I don't listen to "Christian" music that much, but this is a good one. It just gets me thinking about the person I would be without the Lord in my life. It's scary to think about it because I know my sinful nature loves this world. I know I would give in to the empty promises it holds. I know... because I have turned my back on God before, and it's scary to think where I'd be right now if I wasn't wrapped in the arms of the Lord, accepting his grace and forgiveness.

"As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us."
Psalm 103:12

Check the lyrics...

Here I am Lord and I’m drowning,
in Your sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me,
I yearn for peace and rest
I don’t want to end up where You found me
And it echoes in my mind
Keeps me awake tonight
I know you’ve cast my sin as far as the East is from the West
And I stand before You now as though I’ve never sinned
But today I feel like I’m just one mistake away
From You leaving me this way

Chorus:
Jesus can you show me just how far the east is from the west
‘Cause I can’t bare to see the man I’ve been
Rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
‘Cause You know just how far the east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other

I start the day, the war begins
Endless reminding of my sin
And time and time again
Your truth is drowned out by the storm I’m in
Today I feel like I’m just one mistake away
from You leaving me this way

I know You’ve watched me whine
Turn my darkness into life
I need Your peace to get me through
To get me through this night I can’t live by what I feel
About the truth Your word reveals
I’m not holding on to You
But You’re holding on to me
You’re holding on to me

Thank you, God for your Son. Thank you for making me white as snow, Father, when I know I'd be stained without the blood of Christ. Thank you for making me clean. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Embrace.

2007-09-18T14:54:00.000-07:00

The word embrace...it makes me think of things like intimacy and real love and close relationship. There's nothing like a true embrace with a close friend... And i think it's quite beautiful that the bible talks about God embracing us.

And God has really been showing this to me lately... I talked about some of this at Breakfast Club today.

See in Luke 15, the parable of the prodigal son, it describes the father's reaction to his son returning home. It says in verse 20, "But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him." He threw his arms around his son... he embraced him. And that is God to us. Standing.. waiting.. ready with arms outstretched to embrace us. All we have to do is choose to fall into his arms!

It's taken me up until very recently to completely be vulnerable enough to fall into His open arms. Seems crazy right? Why wouldn't I want to dive into the Lord's welcoming embrace... I guess the same reason a lot of Christians don't... Fear.

I don't know but it kinna makes me think of the "trust fall"... you know that stupid activity we all have to do at some kind of camp or as some sort of team-building activity. Yea, I hate it. Because during that split second between leaning back and landing in the arms of the group... I am certain that I am going to die. I mean my body is limp and I know I have no control what so ever... which is beyond scary to me. But once I hit the arms of my friends... I realize I had nothing to be worried about.

And that's what God has finally allowed me to do... to not rely on myself.. but to give it to Him... give my entire self to Him. And it's something I have to do daily... every morning I wake up and I have to remember to die to myself... and sometimes.. most of the time.. it's hard. But like I've said before.. once I allow myself to be captured by the love of God... once I am wrapped completely in His embrace... i know there is nothing better.

I long for His embrace more than anything in this world.

Unconditional Love.

2007-09-10T12:57:00.000-07:00

God never ceases to amaze me. Seriously.. I dishonor his name everyday and yet he still listens to me. I sin against him all the time and yet he still heals me. I forget to praise him and yet he still answers me. I screw up huge again and again and yet he still forgives me. I forget that I need him when things are good... and yet when I realize my weakness, he still takes me and holds me as his child. What unconditional love! Such a loving God we serve.

But oh how I can be so ungrateful... it pains me to think about it this way. I mean really think about it... The almighty God, the creator of everything, speaking to this low disrespectful sinner. And the fact that sometimes I don't even listen! How can I ignore the one who gave his life for me after I took advantage of the life he originally gave me? Why does he still continue to even acknowledge me? It's something I will never understand.. but I'm so grateful for. Love without condition.

"Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away." Song of Songs 8:7

a Prayer.

2007-09-07T13:36:00.000-07:00

Disturb us, Lord, when
We are too well pleased with ourselves,
When our dreams have come true
Because we have dreamed too little,
When we arrived safely
Because we sailed too close to the shore.

Disturb us, Lord, when
With the abundance of things we possess
We have lost our thirst
For the waters of life;
Having fallen in love with life,
We have ceased to dream of eternity
And in our efforts to build a new earth,We have allowed our vision
Of the new Heaven to dim.

Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly,
To venture on wider seas
Where storms will show your mastery;
Where losing sight of land,
We shall find the stars.

We ask You to push back
The horizons of our hopes;
And to push into the future
In strength, courage, hope, and love.

-Sir Francis Drake

High School

2007-08-28T19:51:00.000-07:00

so high school...

yea usually that's about as much enthusiasm as i have about the whole deal.. but I'm looking at my school experience differently this year... I think (well I hope) I'm looking at it through God's eyes. It's a crazy challenge though.. being amongst so many lost people everyday. But God has prepared my heart.. through being so encouraged by my friends and through prayer.

I've already had my slip-ups though. I've already missed opportunities to talk to people I felt led to talk to. I hate my fear. That's Satan's biggest way to get me. And it's funny.. cuz who do i have to fear but God right? Fear sets in too because I don't have most of my friends who are so spiritually strong and encouraging by my side at school- although I have seen people praying and I know there are other Christ-followers.. which is absolutely encouraging- but I do have to rely on God more... which is a good thing.

I can't get over this scripture lately...

"I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart; for whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God's grace with me. God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus. And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God." (Philippians 1:3-11)

..thank you to all my brothers and sisters who are so spiritually encouraging,

I am truly blessed.

Grief

2007-08-25T14:27:00.000-07:00

So I finished A Grief Observed yesterday. It is basically a book of C.S. Lewis grieving and mourning the loss of his wife... I hurt for him. I can't imagine what that feels like to lose someone who is so close.. so close that they make up a part of you.

I can't really relate to the intensity of Lewis' sadness.. but everyone knows how it feels to hurt to some extent. And like Lewis.. lately I hurt because I know people that are going away.. both physically and spiritually. The physical "going away" is my friends who are leaving for college.. some very dear to me. It's just kind of weird them not being in close proximity. But that's something I can cope with much easier than watching friends who are spiritually "going away". For there are people that I know who are walking away from God... people whom I love. And the part that makes me saddest is that it seems they aren't just stumbling in their walk like we all do.. it's as if they are blatantly turning their back on God. And I pray that's not true.. I pray they're not saying "screw you" to God.. I hurt for them tremendously.

And then there are the people that aren't "going away".. they are the friends that don't have the option of doing so. They are my friends who are lost. They are the people I hurt for the most. I feel so disconnected from them... maybe I feel a tiny dose of the separation Lewis felt from his wife whom he loved so dearly when she passed... just in a different sense. So, I pray they accept God's love.. I pray they come to know my Jesus.. because they may not think so.. but they need Him.. they need him more than anything else.

Amiina

2007-08-22T22:42:00.001-07:00

i can't get over the fact the girl's playing a saw...

i love music.

Only You.

2007-08-22T12:42:00.000-07:00

Take my heart. I Lay it down
At the feet of you whose crowned.
Take my life, I’m letting go.
I lift it upto You who’s throned.

And I will worship You, Lord.
Only You, Lord.
And I will bow down before You.
Only You Lord.

Take my fret, take my fear.
All I have, I’m leaving here.
Be all my hopes, be all my dreams.
You're my delights, be my everything.

And It’s just you and me here now.
Only you and me here now.

You should see the view
When it’s only You.

David Crowder kicks butt.

Blogging anyone...?

2007-08-21T16:01:00.000-07:00

Yes... i have a blog... don't ask me what possessed me to do it... just embrace it. It's not like I got a myspace or something. I'm not that crazy. Although, I have decided to admit that many good things do come out of the cyber world... it's pretty much what you make of it... just like with anything...

Evil is always around us while we are here. I haven't found a way to avoid it. I'm working on it. I mean, I guess all us Christians could close ourselves up in some church away from the world so we wouldn't have to see the suffering or experience temptation or talk to "pagans"... but then i guess we couldn't read the bible either... unless we wanted to feel completely convicted. Because of course, Jesus did the complete opposite of separating himself from us sinners... he intentionally put himself among the suffering and the evil of this world. Rick McKinley said, "Signposts of the kingdom [of God] radiate the most beauty when they're planted in the middle of the most mess." How true... and how beautiful.

So I guess we have to be in the very center of this fallen, sin-ridden world... but that doesn't mean we have to fall into Satan's traps. God gives us hope and encouragement in 1 John 5. "This is love for God: to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome, for everyone born of God overcomes the world."

I am born of God... so I can overcome the world? Wow. That means I have won the battle over lust and temptation. I can overcome worldly desires... but ONLY through faith in Christ. And his commands aren't a burden? That's interesting because a lot of people think of commands as rules and simply a moral code that shuts us off from fun. And to be honest, I sometimes don't want to follow them... sometimes, I would rather sin. But the second I realize God's love... the second I let myself get captured in it... I know there's nothing better. I know I don't want anything to do with sin. I don't want any darkness to take away from the light of my Savior and my ability to receive his love. I want to stay wrapped in His arms forever. That's why his commands aren't burdensome... because they keep me closer to Him.

Thank you, God, for your commands and your love. Amen.